What's that smell?

I worked at a flavor company this past summer, and as you can imagine there were all kinds of smells. Part of my job was to mix different chemicals together (ie things that smelled pretty harsh and weird) in the right proportions to yield delicious strawberry, chocolate, or, (my favorite,) Trix cereal scents. I generally came home from work smelling like a mix of tobacco and birthday cake - or at least that's how my sister described it. There were quite a few memorable aspects of the job (such as free coffee and two of the sweetest/kindest bosses ever) but honestly the most highlighted memory in my mind was the smells. 

Smell can be both subtle and sharp at the same time. I remember numerous occasions when one of my coworkers in the lab would come in after spending time in the offices and announce "Oh, it smells so gross in here, like (rancid bacon/sewer/rotten cabbage/etc," or maybe the more pleasurable, "Mmmm! Who's making (strawberry/caramel/coconut)?" 

Having been in the lab for hours, though, none of the rest of us would be aware of any such smell, which was often times blissful ignorance. (No, I do not want to take a whiff of your carefully crafted "egg yolk" flavor, thankyouverymuch.)

We become habituated to a lot of different things in life, not just the various smells in our workplaces: things like the commute to work, the ever-present need to do laundry, and the way our "X"-in-law annoyingly chews with his/her mouth open. Or maybe we don't, but we should.

But then there are other things that we come to ignore that we maybe shouldn't: beautiful sunsets every night, gorgeous landscapes, the immense blessing of family and friends, our daily bread. 

I too often tend to fall victim to "the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side" syndrome failing to acknowledge the many ways that my own life is beautiful, and kind of plod along in frustrated disillusionment until someone else points it out for me. Instead of the smell of fresh fruit, it's the "Wow, look at the amazing view you have out the window," or, if I share my hopes/dreams/plans (Lord willing, of course), the "That sounds so cool!" And guess what? It is cool - even if nobody else points it out. 

I'm not a "New Years Resolution" person (because I believe that our lives change for the better when we draw nearer to God and He convicts us -- not because we have enough will power) but I am a "Prayer" person. One of my prayers lately is that God will help me to be aware of the beauty around me on a moment-by-moment basis, and that I don't become jaded to the many ways that I am blessed.My prayer is that I wouldn't fall into emotionless routines, but that I would be actively seeking the will of God in everything I do.

This is often known as a season of thankfulness and gratitude, but let us be thankful to God for His presence every single day, yes?

Little Reminders

One of the struggles we face as Christians in this world is not being of the world. Even though we aren't bound by the law, we are still responsible and called to live lives that are set apart. Sin doesn't have a hold on us like it does on non-believers, and so we have a responsibility before God to live selflessly, not self-indulgently. Our pursuits aren't to be about fame, fortune, or fashion, but about passionate servitude. Of course, it helps that as we fall more and more in love with Jesus, our hearts become aligned with His, and this submission comes more naturally. 

And yet, the condition of our hearts are ever being revealed in our behavior: selfie sticks, gossip, sexual perversion, to name a few of equal magnitude. (A reminder that we all need, but especially the self-righteous picketers.) We get wrapped up in the world and its obsessive tendencies.

The thought crossed my mind yesterday that even if I chose to throw away my pursuit of holiness and started living like a heathen, I'd still be saved. I'm not bound by the law, right? So why not succumb to my sinful nature a la Romans 6:1, and "live life to the fullest" according to the world? But in my heart, I know that the "fullest" way we can live life is to walk with the King and pursue Him at all costs. Sensing my own sin, I asked God for grace, and to show himself to me today. I prayed that He would remind me that He is worth it, even if it's a struggle to say no to some of my desires. I asked Him to remind me that He is sovereign, that He is all-powerful, that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30). 

Another prayer, answered: later that day, I saw that someone I went to high school with had messaged me on Facebook. Glad that God had scooped me back up, she asked about my testimony. So I told her all about how got met me in my broken place and pulled me out of the dark and into the light.

As I was writing to her, reflecting on how God had healed my broken heart, I was reminded of the girl I once was: the old self that I put away when I chose to walk with Christ. I was reminded of what my life was like when I was living of my own accord, trying to measure up to the world's standards, trying to find meaning despite the very hard and painful aspects of my life. I was reminded that God is relevant, active and integral in every aspect of existence, that He is sovereign and all-powerful, and that I won't get anywhere by my own attempts to be charming or beautiful. I was reminded that true beauty is born from fear of the Lord.

God answers prayers in unexpected ways. The count now reaches four for people that I have reconnected with from my past because of our shared faith in Christ. 

Very, very cool. 

I'm sick, and I'm glad about it

My accomplishments don't matter. Well, they do matter. But not because I had anything to do with them. 

I like music. A lot. I love singing, writing melodies, playing the piano, etc. I love feeling the hum of my guitar against my chest, when the vibrations of the strings are in tune with my heart beat. Music makes me feel alive. 

I started this blog because of music - first as a place to update my prayer partners regarding my plight to record an album - dubbed "my music project." Then I found myself writing about what other things God was doing in my life, which evolved to full-on scripture-based blog posts. So that's how this happened. I didn't really mean for this blog to become a blog. But it did, praise God.

Kind of like I never really intended to become a musician. Forced piano lessons as a kid evolved into the purchase of my first guitar in 2013, and then waking up every morning with a song on my lips. Somehow, this Friday, I'll be performing live - less a few open mic nights - for the first time ever. It's easy to say, "Woo-hoo! Look at me! Yay! I'm a musician!" #swag

But having #swag takes the fun out of music for me. When it starts to be all about "the cool," it starts to be all about me, and I don't like when things are all about me - it gives me anxiety. I start to worry about whether I sound good, whether people like it, etc. I find myself reluctant to try to sell CD's or to let my friends listen because I'm embarrassed by my amateur sound and sometimes cheesy lyrics. I find myself wishing I hadn't made a CD at all. 

One of my dear friends gave me a little perspective on this the other day. She wisely said, "Alex, don't let your fear of what other people think get in the way of what God is doing through your music"

In other words, let the music be what it's supposed to be: a tool to point to God, glorifying His name and impacting the nations. Music -- and everything I do really -- should be for God's glory, not mine. It should be about what God can do, not what mere humans think. Why? Because God is God, and I am not.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." - Colossians 3:23

I am so thankful for friends and fellowship that convicts me, pointing me back toward the Lord and away from my own self-absorbed obsessions. 

This week I have been diligent in prayer that not only will God help Friday's performance to go smoothly, and that I "sound good" and whatnot, but that my focus in approaching music every single day will be about God and not about myself. 

So naturally, I started to panic when I caught a cold, woke up with a hoarse voice and a cough. 

But, being sick is an answer to my prayers!

Today, I'm grateful that I'm sick. I'm thankful that I need to lean into the Lord's healing power instead of relying on my green juice and soup. Yes, I want to get better so I can sing tomorrow. But I also want God's plans to trump my own. If it is the Lord's will, it will happen. Worrying about my voice and its sound is sinful, because my heart is concerned about other's esteem and not about God's. Being sick reminds me that my voice comes from the Lord and is used for Him. It doesn't matter what I think, because God is going to use me perfectly. I can't screw up what God has planned.

I'm glad I'm sick, because it reminds me that I am only able to do anything because God permits it. It's all about God, and not about me.

God gave me a voice to be used for Him. If He allows me to sing Friday, it will be for His glory, not my own.

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." - James 4:13-16

Today is about God and tomorrow is about God, because He is the creator of time, the author of life, and the heartbeat of the world.