My accomplishments don't matter. Well, they do matter. But not because I had anything to do with them.
I like music. A lot. I love singing, writing melodies, playing the piano, etc. I love feeling the hum of my guitar against my chest, when the vibrations of the strings are in tune with my heart beat. Music makes me feel alive.
I started this blog because of music - first as a place to update my prayer partners regarding my plight to record an album - dubbed "my music project." Then I found myself writing about what other things God was doing in my life, which evolved to full-on scripture-based blog posts. So that's how this happened. I didn't really mean for this blog to become a blog. But it did, praise God.
Kind of like I never really intended to become a musician. Forced piano lessons as a kid evolved into the purchase of my first guitar in 2013, and then waking up every morning with a song on my lips. Somehow, this Friday, I'll be performing live - less a few open mic nights - for the first time ever. It's easy to say, "Woo-hoo! Look at me! Yay! I'm a musician!" #swag
But having #swag takes the fun out of music for me. When it starts to be all about "the cool," it starts to be all about me, and I don't like when things are all about me - it gives me anxiety. I start to worry about whether I sound good, whether people like it, etc. I find myself reluctant to try to sell CD's or to let my friends listen because I'm embarrassed by my amateur sound and sometimes cheesy lyrics. I find myself wishing I hadn't made a CD at all.
One of my dear friends gave me a little perspective on this the other day. She wisely said, "Alex, don't let your fear of what other people think get in the way of what God is doing through your music"
In other words, let the music be what it's supposed to be: a tool to point to God, glorifying His name and impacting the nations. Music -- and everything I do really -- should be for God's glory, not mine. It should be about what God can do, not what mere humans think. Why? Because God is God, and I am not.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." - Colossians 3:23
I am so thankful for friends and fellowship that convicts me, pointing me back toward the Lord and away from my own self-absorbed obsessions.
This week I have been diligent in prayer that not only will God help Friday's performance to go smoothly, and that I "sound good" and whatnot, but that my focus in approaching music every single day will be about God and not about myself.
So naturally, I started to panic when I caught a cold, woke up with a hoarse voice and a cough.
But, being sick is an answer to my prayers!
Today, I'm grateful that I'm sick. I'm thankful that I need to lean into the Lord's healing power instead of relying on my green juice and soup. Yes, I want to get better so I can sing tomorrow. But I also want God's plans to trump my own. If it is the Lord's will, it will happen. Worrying about my voice and its sound is sinful, because my heart is concerned about other's esteem and not about God's. Being sick reminds me that my voice comes from the Lord and is used for Him. It doesn't matter what I think, because God is going to use me perfectly. I can't screw up what God has planned.
I'm glad I'm sick, because it reminds me that I am only able to do anything because God permits it. It's all about God, and not about me.
God gave me a voice to be used for Him. If He allows me to sing Friday, it will be for His glory, not my own.
"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." - James 4:13-16
Today is about God and tomorrow is about God, because He is the creator of time, the author of life, and the heartbeat of the world.
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