What do you live for?

I've come to realize that one of the hardest sins to break free from in my first-world, on-the-go, social-media obsessed American life is idolatry. It slips in nonchalantly, paraded as the next big thing, dubbed "trendy," or fashionable, promises to give us identity, make us look good in the eyes of others, make us feel good about ourselves. A lot of these idols start out as good things but get stretched to a disproportionate degree until they sort of take over. 

Healthy eating? It's a lifestyle. Edgy fashion? The cars we drive? We buy the tee shirt to go along with the next obsession, marking ourselves as followers. But what about Christ as a lifestyle? Jesus as the only path to eternity? What about Paul's convicting words, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain,"? (Philippians 1:21)

The problem with idols is that they don't deliver what they promise. Only one thing does that: Christ.

Our lives are plagued by false idols, and sometimes the most influential false gods in our lives are internal. To love God more, I need to love me less. In Christ we are called to die to ourselves.

This verse finishes up by saying, "You cannot serve both God and money," but really it can finish with anything.

No one can serve two masters. You will either love one and hate the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and ________________.

Fill in the blank: Money. Food. Fashion. A boyfriend or girlfriend. Family. School. Sports. Grades. Work. Finding a job. Popularity. Being funny. Doing "Christian" things. Anything can be an idol.

The worst part is that when an idol is identified in a person's life, it's not always easy to dethrone it. 

One of my biggest struggles with idolatry began before I was a Christ follower. By the time I voluntarily stepped foot in a church, I was well-aware that the sweet nothings whispered to me by anorexia were fruitless. My eating disorder promised me that if I ate less and weighed less, my life would be fuller, I'd feel satisfied, look beautiful, and be able to fly - among other equally ridiculous notions. 

No, I didn't choose anorexia. It's a disease that takes over without warning. But as it progressed, I became increasingly self-obsessed, which is evidence of the sinful idolatry I was engaged in with my own self. I didn't think about much else besides what I did or didn't eat, what the scale did or didn't say, and how much certain bones that shouldn't have been visible at all did or didn't stick out of my skin. I took a ridiculous number of pictures of myself to analyze how I might "look to other people," and in a strange way, felt superior to others because I could resist cake at parties (that is, if I went to the parties.) It ruined my health, my relationships, and my self-confidence, all the while promising the exact opposite.

I am not proud that I had an eating disorder. It's an ugly experience, and it's something that I still struggle with, telling me that if I become a vegan or a marathoner and consequently lose 10 pounds, my life will improve dramatically. By the grace of God, I have learned that this isn't true. It takes a tremendous amount of determination to keep it banished to the back of my brain, and in full disclosure, I don't always want to.

When I first started recovery, I remember thinking "I'll start eating normally after I lose X more pounds." Or, "I'll recover if I can also be a vegetarian." I want to have my (anorexia's) cake and eat it too, as strange as that sounds. But the ironic thing about these thoughts is that in recovery, I don't actually value those things anymore. Anorexia's advertised goods aren't as scintillating when I have my mind on God. In Christ, I care more about the fullness of my character than the fullness of my cheeks. Likewise, if I'm stuck in a rut of eating disorder thoughts and behaviors, I don't really care to indulge in the Bread of Life because I'm too busy avoiding #carbs.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed to admit that I struggle with these things, but I know I'm not the only one. Given that this is National Eating Disorders Awareness week, I decided to share this story because I think a lot of the "awareness campaigns" miss something fundamental about eating disorders. I know it's kind of scandalous to say this, but the worst part about anorexia and other eating disorders isn't that they are dangerous to a person's health, but rather that they are spiritually dangerous. As it is written, we can't serve both God and __________. Whether that's an eating disorder or some other life-draining idol, we all could use some prayer, some counsel, and a whole lot of grace to dethrone the false gods and return our hearts to the one, true king: Jesus Christ. 

What do YOU live for?

What does your clothing say about you?

This isn't a personality quiz and this isn't a post about modesty. Rather, it's about trusting God with the future. It's about some of the ways your life might change when other people learn you're a Christ follower.

Yesterday was a hard day. Early in the morning I got some disappointing news about some of my educational plans for the future, emphasizing the contingency and adding a couple caveats, ultimately putting a lot at stake with regards to an email that I didn't receive. If only I had gotten that email. 

The week following the 15th of every month is pretty nerve-wracking for me because on that fateful mid-month marker, acceptance letters for my top-choice graduate program go out. As you can imagine, the following 72 hours of waiting for the mailman (or email server) to deliver is extremely nerve-wracking. Historically, I've learned by Thursday that I was not in the "yes" group...or at least not yet. Yesterday, being Thursday, I woke up, checked the online forums, and realized that I was again not in the "yes" group. I got dressed, headed out the door, and tried not to cry. 

During my mid-day break from classes, I thought I'd stop by the financial aid office at my university and ask a few questions regarding my options if I don't get the answer I want in the mail next month. The first thing my aid counselor said to me when I sat down was, "I like your shirt." After that, most of our talk was about money, not clothing.

Incidentally, I was wearing a simple gray tee-shirt that I'd gotten at church a while ago, with the following design:

To me, it was just a random shirt (albeit with a true statement) that I pulled out of my closet by coincidence. It turned out to be a bigger deal than that.

By the end of my meeting with the financial aid counselor, I'd received some of the answers I had been fearing, I was feeling a lot of pressure, and had gotten a little teary-eyed. The lady offered me a tissue and said, "Honey, I know this is a lot. But you're looking really far into the future. You don't know what will happen next month, and at this point you can only wait because you've done all you can do. Instead of worrying about the future, you need to be on your knees."

Conviction at its finest, my friends. If I hadn't been wearing a shirt that so blatantly told the world where I find my identity, I'm not sure that the financial aid officer would have felt comfortable reminding me that prayer is the most effective and powerful activity I can engage in during this period of waiting - especially as opposed to worrying. (Public Universities don't seem to permit a lot of religious talk in formal settings). It was the reminder I needed, the encouragement I was craving, and like most things God orchestrates, the main takeaway I got from that meeting. 

Fast forward to a few hours later, I ended up in an hour-long conversation with a Purdue alumnus who also happened to be a solid Christian with an abundance of reassurance and advice for me, all of which grounded in Proverbs 16:3 - "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans."

God can use the most unexpected people to influence the world for His kingdom, and I was on the receiving end of that yesterday. Two people, in totally different settings, saw my shirt and were able to touch the deepest longings of my heart by pointing me back to the giver of life. In-line with the awesome reminder I received, I want to share it with you:

Even if the future is uncertain and you don't know where to turn, God wrote you into His book of life millions of years before you were born. He will establish your steps, He has a perfect plan, and you can't mess it up. If it's going to happen, it will happen, and only because it's part of God's perfect, infallible design.

Enjoy the beautiful day, friends!

Flavor Chemistry

I am (7/8) a food scientist, and one of the quintessential demonstrations that we present at community events is the color/flavor swap: we dye the color of beverages to hues that aren't true to their flavor identity. For example, a grape-flavored beverage would be dyed orange, and a lemon-flavored one dyed blue. Research has shown that most people incorrectly identify those grape flavors as tangerine because of their color. Likewise the lemon flavor is perceived as blue-raspberry. 

Why does this happen? Well, flavor perceptions, like many of our experiences in life, are largely psychological.

What does this have to do with the bible?

1 Corinthians discusses some of the "ethics" associated with eating (or not) foods that have been sacrificed to idols. Many of the people who lived in Corinth at the time Paul wrote this letter were worshipers of false Gods, namely Baal. This emblem of Canaanite mythology required some stringent worship rituals, such as temple prostitution, human sacrifice, and special preparations of different foods. A big question that members of the Corinthian church were struggling with was whether or not to consume meat that had been sacrificed to Baal and other idols. (After the religious animal slaughter, the meat would either be consumed immediately as part of the ritual or sent to local butcher and sold.) 

Paul's answer was pretty simple: Baal isn't real, so it doesn't really matter if the food was sacrificed for some (false) religious purpose. A worship act by someone else regarding this meat doesn't change the fact that it is edible food, provided by the one, true God. (1 Corinthians 8:4-6)

An analogy can then be drawn to the flavor "trick" I described above. Dying lemonade blue doesn't make it have a different flavor, it just changes the perception of the beverage. Sacrificing a cow to Baal doesn't change the truth that cows make darn good burgers, but the idol-worshipers perceive those sacrificed cows differently. All perceptions aside, though, nothing has changed about the meat (or the lemonade) because Baal doesn't have any real power. False idols change our perception of the world around us but they don't change what is intrinsically true about the environment. 

In this way, flavor chemistry (and 1 Corinthians 8:4) can be a sort of "litmus test" for whether something is biblical or not. Prayer is a real connection with God that works powerfully in the lives of believers. Prayer can change water to wine (or grape kool-aide to orange juice, in theory.) Prayer is from God. In contrast, abstaining from alcohol can be a good way to avoid drunkenness, but there's a difference between drinking and drunkenness. Therefore, completely abstaining doesn't change either the person or the beverage. It's merely a practice of religion, which isn't necessarily bad. However, as Christians, it's easy to invent religious practices that we deem spiritual, and then legalistically attempt to hold others to those standards. Dress codes, birth control usage, and attending church every week are only a few examples. In reality, though, these practices involve a balancing act between heartfelt worship of Jesus and exercising God-given freedoms. Just as we know it isn't a sin to skip church (though we are encouraged to regularly meet together in worship,) it can be a stumbling block to a new believer if we miss a Sunday service. For the sake of being cognoscente of our brothers and sisters in Christ, we are called to be aware of these ideas as well as the misconceptions surrounding them. If having a beer will cause our neighbor to fall back into alcoholism and again denounce God, we should abstain. But if not, Paul says, enjoy the freedom to indulge. 

Food science is fun, and also can be insightful to the realities of the spiritual realm. Just as food dye doesn't change much about a beverage other than its color, it's important to remember that our behaviors and attitudes towards God don't change what is true about Him or His creation.

#Wednesday

Most millenials today know that "#" is a "hashtag." Growing up, I knew it as a hash mark or a pound sign. You know, "Please leave a message. When you're finished, press pound." Well, yesterday I learned that the pound sign actually signifies pounds...

I work in the extension office at my university, and I sift through a lot of data for my research. Lettuce is often purchased in cases...20# cases. I asked my colleague how much a 20# case weighs and she said, "Oh, '#' means pounds." That was all fine and dandy until I finally put two and two together...the pound sign means pounds. Mind = blown. 

Reflecting on this revelation this morning along with my millenial lingo, I realized that if today is #Wednesday and also Ash Wednesday, then it's kind of like hASH Wednesday...right? Get it?

I think I'm funny, anyways.

In the Christian bubble, "Ash Wednesday" isn't often a day of significance. "It's a Catholic thing." I never really cared about the black ash crosses on people's foreheads much, even after becoming a Christian, when I arguably cared even less. 

Last year for lent, I tried (and failed) to "give up" facebook and other social media. My church teaches that fasting for Lent is in no way an obligation, but that it can be a valuable tool for growing closer to God. Realizing that facebook and all the comparison that ensues in my life is a toxic influence on my relationship (and desire to engage) with God, I decided to limit my use for the 40 days leading up to Easter. 

If I observe Lent, though, why don't I observe Ash Wednesday, which "kicks off" the Lenten season? I didn't have an answer to that question, so I decided to learn more about the practice. Amid my "research," I found two perspectives: on one side there were a lot of rules, rules and rules, but on the other side there was a viewpoint of mortality, salvation and freedom. The former teaches a lot of legalistic "Thou shalt not's" whereas the latter emphasizes our depravity, our sinfulness, and the life-giving grace of Jesus Christ.

So, what does that all have to do with ashes?

God once said to Adam, (the symbol of our sinful nature), "You were made from dust, and to dust you shall return." - Genesis 3:19

I realize that I like the symbolism of that ash cross. As humans, we are mortal beings. We aren't the gods we so often make ourselves out to be on social media, worshiping the people we follow and reveling in praise/likes/comments on our own posts. We are made from dust -- ash is primarily made up of calcium carbonate, and our bones are too. When our flesh fails, our bones break down into ashes. We're made from the clay of the earth, and just as we all come into this world naked and broken, we'll return to it the same way. That is, until Jesus proudly descends to earth on his magnificent stallion and gifts us new bodies of flesh and bone. 

Ash Wednesday is a day to remember exactly this principle, our own mortality. We are dead in sin, we are dead in ourselves, and it's only in Christ that we are made new and given life. We need God, we need His strength because our own is insufficient. We need his direction because we are lost on our own. We need Him, because He is the heartbeat of this world.

Ash Wednesday helps us remember this. In the ever so eloquent words of Elevation Worship,

"I need you

To soften my heart, and break me apart

I need you

To open my eyes, and see how you're shaping my life

All I am, I surrender"

Choosing What is Better...

February 8th, Proverbs Chapter 8

My goal lately has been to garner a better understanding of "the Christian life." In a lot of ways, my life is the same as the lives of the non-Christians around me, less a few activities deemed "non-virtuous." I don't want to live like that anymore -- so disengaged --  because despite the advertised richness, a life that attempts to worship two masters is void and barren. I'm not saying I am going to try to change the activities I engage in, the things I say, or whatever. Rather, I want to change the reasoning behind those choices, choosing instead what is better.

In Luke 10:42, Jesus famously answers Martha,"You are worried and bothered by so many things;  but only one thing is necessary. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her." Referencing Mary's decision to worship Him in lieu of slaving towards earthly obligations, Jesus reinforces what other parts of the bible teach: choosing God is investing in something eternal. When dust returns to dust, the eternal sacrifices and contributions we make for God are worth so much more than anything this world can offer.

Some of the ways that I find myself investing in "worldly things" these days is with my money, and the time I spend trying to make money. Oh, the woes that come with money, and as we are proverbially reminded, "You cannot serve both God and money," - Matthew 6:24

I'm currently in my last year of college, and I spend upwards of 20 hours each week trying to make money. You see, I have a car payment. I don't want to be in debt. God discourages debt, right? I want to get this debt payed off as soon as possible so I'm not enslaved to money. I make a lot of sacrifices so I can make money. I turned down the opportunity to take some interesting classes so I could work (my job is time-specific). I spend my energy working, sometimes, instead of investing in other people. I am sometimes excessively frugal when it comes to buying food, eating ramen (or nothing) instead of foods that are nourishing.

I wouldn't go so far to say that I'm prideful about being frugal, but I'm very cautious because I don't want to have debt. My compulsion to pay it off is, in a sense, enslaving me. This, I think, is one of the reasons God warns us not to go into debt. While it isn't a sin, it can be problematic. This, my friends, is only one of the ways that we can place money on a disproportionately high pedestal, exalting it as worth more than it actually is. Money, like most other good things in life, is merely a tool that we can use to thrive in our Christian walk. Money is good, but God's riches are better.

The riches of God - wisdom, community, worship and other blessings - are so much more valuable and sustaining than good old Benjamins. Proverbs 8 reads:

"(10) Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, (11) for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her."

Nothing...not a new XBox, an iPhone 6s, or a shiny new car can compare to the riches of enjoying God's love, living according to His laws, and growing in understanding of His wisdom. Pursuing God naturally gives us that sense of wisdom, and it is a gift worth investing in. Wisdom lasts for eternity, cars don't.

"(18) With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity. [...] (21) bestowing wealth on those who love me and making their treasuries full. [...] (23) I was appointed from eternity, from the beginning, before the world began."

God's wisdom is eternal, and investing in it is a worthy practice. I still need to pay off my debt, but I am going to work on keeping my perspective of eternity as I do so. 

Confidence

It may seem like common knowledge to, when we are building a house, make sure that it has a firm foundation: maybe one made out of concrete or something similarly reasonable. But alas, we don't always operate on this important concept...like when we build entire cities on top of water.

Beautiful trophies though they may be, they don't withstand the elements very well, not to mention that Venice is slowly sinking into the ocean. #Atlantis

The whole sturdy foundation is also important so things like this don't happen:

People, we need to take the bible literally, sometimes: 

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." - Matthew 7:24-27

Like I mentioned above, houses built on top of and along oceans are beautiful, but they aren't good for much else (living in, basing a life off of, etc.) The wind comes and they fall off the cliff and dissolve, revealing that they were just trophies, only good for admiring.

If my life were a game of monopoly, I'd own a lot of houses (maybe a few hotels), but I would not be able to say that they were built on rock. In my life, I have a couple trophies that I like to line up around boardwalk and wow the passerbyers. Just like my kingdom is uprooted when my adorable nephew tramples across the monopoly board, my "trophies" don't do much in terms of weathering life's storms. I was reminded of this today in my Spanish class: I gave an oral presentation, translated quite a few words wrong, and felt totally crushed when my teacher told me how much my errors would affect my grade. Ugh.

I've been through enough college to know that I'm not the smartest kid around, but I've also done pretty well and gotten good grades. I like to think of myself as a good student. I have been one my entire life. When things like the situation in Spanish class happen, it really can shake me up. In high school, it made me worry that I wouldn't get into college. Early in college, it made me worry that I wasn't cut out for college, and then that I maybe wouldn't get into the graduate programs I wanted. Now, when the future is becoming more evident, I don't have much to lose if my grades slip a little. That is, except for my identity. I am guilty of putting too much of my identity in my grades. I like to get A's because "it's who I am." My grades are important, I try to do my best, and I like to be rewarded for it with GPA points. 

But a life built on GPA points is like a house built on sand. The commands that are talked about in the passage from Matthew above? God says that my confidence and my identity is to be placed 100% in what Christ did for me on the cross. My identity is that of a sinner redeemed, not an honor student. My identity isn't in my ability to steward my brain/gifts well, but rather I am expected to be a good steward of my education because it is a gift from God, to whom I belong, to whom I owe my life. 

It's frustrating how wrong I am sometimes, and this Spanish class of mine is clearly a tool that God is using in my life not to punish me, but to show me how much I need him. I can't do this "life" thing on my own, I need to rely on His strength. My grades don't mean anything if I view them as my 'salvation' instead of a tool that I can use to reflect well on the salvation I have in Christ. That brings me back to why I'm taking the Spanish class in the first place: to share the love of God. I signed up to better my Spanish skills so that I can communicate with the Nicaraguan natives when I am on the mission field there in March. SPAN 212 isn't about grades, it's about Christ...just like everything else.

Reality check