Trees

"This is what the Lord says:

'Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who draws strength from mere flesh

and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;

they will not see prosperity when it comes.

They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives.

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, 

whose confidence is in him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water 

that sends out its roots by the stream. 

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.

The heart is deceitful above all things

and beyond cure.

Who can understand it?'"

Jeremiah 17:5-9

At church yesterday, my pastor was discussing Romans 8:1-4, and noted that there are few things that we want more than to be accepted by other people. We want them to see us a certain way, and so we do certain things (sometimes in ways that don't make a lot of sense) and live our lives differently based on this desire to be accepted. Yet, we can find assurance and rest in the truth that  "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom 8:1) Our righteousness doesn't come from following the law - whether that be God's law or one we have created for ourselves. It's always encouraging to hear this, but for me personally (no knock on my pastor - he's great) just knowing that God loves me anyway doesn't always help to alleviate the sometimes debilitating social anxiety I struggle with. 

Reading in Jeremiah 17 this morning, I noticed a parallel to what I heard in church yesterday, about assurance, rest, encouragement and identity in Christ versus in the world. The verses above provide a very stark contrast to what comes from a life that is concerned with what other people think and a life that is concerned with what God thinks. The Lord says that those who trusts in man are cursed. They will not be prosperous. They will dry up like a bush without water when hardship comes. 

Living on a college campus, there is a certain type of girl that I often compare myself to (and become extremely intimidated by.) She's the social butterfly with what seems like endless friends, a perfect smile, porcelain skin, hair that always seems to behave itself, the body type that so many slave endless hours in the gym trying to achieve, and her fashion is always "on point," even when she is wearing sweats. When she walks into a bar, every head turns - guys' and girls'. To try to change myself - to try to be like her wouldn't just be ignoring the fact that God loves me the way I am and has redeemed me, but it would be sinful. I would be basing my value and my life on what the world considers beautiful and worthy. I would be concerning myself with impressing others, trying to make friends based off of meaningless things like fashion or fortune. *Now, its important to note that being fashionable, beautiful, fit and popular is not sinful at all, but basing my self worth on that and striving to achieve those things at the expense of what matters most (God) definitely is sinful.* Oh - and you know how God says that if a man lusts after a woman, he has already committed adultery in his heart? As a girl, even if I don't replace my wardrobe and get plastic surgery in avid pursuit of fame/popularity, desiring those things is a sin. Desiring something more than I desire God is idolatry and like any sin, whether a physical behavior or a thought, it speaks to the condition of my heart. That, my friends, is what differentiates the simple action of buying a new top from being a sin and not being one. 

Back to social anxiety: fearing what others think of me and concerning myself with such things to the point where it interferes with my ability to worship God is a sin. Yes, God loves me anyway and I don't have to fear His condemnation, but that is true even if I lie, cheat, gossip or go kill someone. God's love and forgiveness in no way condones those things! Knowing that God holds us in high regard can be enough to alleviate the feelings of unworthiness in the eyes of the world, and that can be all it takes to stop concerning ourselves with worldliness. But sometimes we need a reminder about just how worthless those things are.  

This morning in Jeremiah, I was reminded exactly of this. Basing my life and my value, dedicating my heart and my resources to the things of this world is futile and doesn't last. If my "popularity" were to disappear, everything I had built for myself would crumble. I would dry up like a bush in the parched places of the desert.

But those who trust in God, pursue God, garner their sense of value, worth and meaning from God, those whose confidence is in Him are like trees planted by water. Our life source is eternal and everlasting, and it cannot be taken from us. 

What's that smell?

I worked at a flavor company this past summer, and as you can imagine there were all kinds of smells. Part of my job was to mix different chemicals together (ie things that smelled pretty harsh and weird) in the right proportions to yield delicious strawberry, chocolate, or, (my favorite,) Trix cereal scents. I generally came home from work smelling like a mix of tobacco and birthday cake - or at least that's how my sister described it. There were quite a few memorable aspects of the job (such as free coffee and two of the sweetest/kindest bosses ever) but honestly the most highlighted memory in my mind was the smells. 

Smell can be both subtle and sharp at the same time. I remember numerous occasions when one of my coworkers in the lab would come in after spending time in the offices and announce "Oh, it smells so gross in here, like (rancid bacon/sewer/rotten cabbage/etc," or maybe the more pleasurable, "Mmmm! Who's making (strawberry/caramel/coconut)?" 

Having been in the lab for hours, though, none of the rest of us would be aware of any such smell, which was often times blissful ignorance. (No, I do not want to take a whiff of your carefully crafted "egg yolk" flavor, thankyouverymuch.)

We become habituated to a lot of different things in life, not just the various smells in our workplaces: things like the commute to work, the ever-present need to do laundry, and the way our "X"-in-law annoyingly chews with his/her mouth open. Or maybe we don't, but we should.

But then there are other things that we come to ignore that we maybe shouldn't: beautiful sunsets every night, gorgeous landscapes, the immense blessing of family and friends, our daily bread. 

I too often tend to fall victim to "the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side" syndrome failing to acknowledge the many ways that my own life is beautiful, and kind of plod along in frustrated disillusionment until someone else points it out for me. Instead of the smell of fresh fruit, it's the "Wow, look at the amazing view you have out the window," or, if I share my hopes/dreams/plans (Lord willing, of course), the "That sounds so cool!" And guess what? It is cool - even if nobody else points it out. 

I'm not a "New Years Resolution" person (because I believe that our lives change for the better when we draw nearer to God and He convicts us -- not because we have enough will power) but I am a "Prayer" person. One of my prayers lately is that God will help me to be aware of the beauty around me on a moment-by-moment basis, and that I don't become jaded to the many ways that I am blessed.My prayer is that I wouldn't fall into emotionless routines, but that I would be actively seeking the will of God in everything I do.

This is often known as a season of thankfulness and gratitude, but let us be thankful to God for His presence every single day, yes?

Little Reminders

One of the struggles we face as Christians in this world is not being of the world. Even though we aren't bound by the law, we are still responsible and called to live lives that are set apart. Sin doesn't have a hold on us like it does on non-believers, and so we have a responsibility before God to live selflessly, not self-indulgently. Our pursuits aren't to be about fame, fortune, or fashion, but about passionate servitude. Of course, it helps that as we fall more and more in love with Jesus, our hearts become aligned with His, and this submission comes more naturally. 

And yet, the condition of our hearts are ever being revealed in our behavior: selfie sticks, gossip, sexual perversion, to name a few of equal magnitude. (A reminder that we all need, but especially the self-righteous picketers.) We get wrapped up in the world and its obsessive tendencies.

The thought crossed my mind yesterday that even if I chose to throw away my pursuit of holiness and started living like a heathen, I'd still be saved. I'm not bound by the law, right? So why not succumb to my sinful nature a la Romans 6:1, and "live life to the fullest" according to the world? But in my heart, I know that the "fullest" way we can live life is to walk with the King and pursue Him at all costs. Sensing my own sin, I asked God for grace, and to show himself to me today. I prayed that He would remind me that He is worth it, even if it's a struggle to say no to some of my desires. I asked Him to remind me that He is sovereign, that He is all-powerful, that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30). 

Another prayer, answered: later that day, I saw that someone I went to high school with had messaged me on Facebook. Glad that God had scooped me back up, she asked about my testimony. So I told her all about how got met me in my broken place and pulled me out of the dark and into the light.

As I was writing to her, reflecting on how God had healed my broken heart, I was reminded of the girl I once was: the old self that I put away when I chose to walk with Christ. I was reminded of what my life was like when I was living of my own accord, trying to measure up to the world's standards, trying to find meaning despite the very hard and painful aspects of my life. I was reminded that God is relevant, active and integral in every aspect of existence, that He is sovereign and all-powerful, and that I won't get anywhere by my own attempts to be charming or beautiful. I was reminded that true beauty is born from fear of the Lord.

God answers prayers in unexpected ways. The count now reaches four for people that I have reconnected with from my past because of our shared faith in Christ. 

Very, very cool. 

I'm sick, and I'm glad about it

My accomplishments don't matter. Well, they do matter. But not because I had anything to do with them. 

I like music. A lot. I love singing, writing melodies, playing the piano, etc. I love feeling the hum of my guitar against my chest, when the vibrations of the strings are in tune with my heart beat. Music makes me feel alive. 

I started this blog because of music - first as a place to update my prayer partners regarding my plight to record an album - dubbed "my music project." Then I found myself writing about what other things God was doing in my life, which evolved to full-on scripture-based blog posts. So that's how this happened. I didn't really mean for this blog to become a blog. But it did, praise God.

Kind of like I never really intended to become a musician. Forced piano lessons as a kid evolved into the purchase of my first guitar in 2013, and then waking up every morning with a song on my lips. Somehow, this Friday, I'll be performing live - less a few open mic nights - for the first time ever. It's easy to say, "Woo-hoo! Look at me! Yay! I'm a musician!" #swag

But having #swag takes the fun out of music for me. When it starts to be all about "the cool," it starts to be all about me, and I don't like when things are all about me - it gives me anxiety. I start to worry about whether I sound good, whether people like it, etc. I find myself reluctant to try to sell CD's or to let my friends listen because I'm embarrassed by my amateur sound and sometimes cheesy lyrics. I find myself wishing I hadn't made a CD at all. 

One of my dear friends gave me a little perspective on this the other day. She wisely said, "Alex, don't let your fear of what other people think get in the way of what God is doing through your music"

In other words, let the music be what it's supposed to be: a tool to point to God, glorifying His name and impacting the nations. Music -- and everything I do really -- should be for God's glory, not mine. It should be about what God can do, not what mere humans think. Why? Because God is God, and I am not.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." - Colossians 3:23

I am so thankful for friends and fellowship that convicts me, pointing me back toward the Lord and away from my own self-absorbed obsessions. 

This week I have been diligent in prayer that not only will God help Friday's performance to go smoothly, and that I "sound good" and whatnot, but that my focus in approaching music every single day will be about God and not about myself. 

So naturally, I started to panic when I caught a cold, woke up with a hoarse voice and a cough. 

But, being sick is an answer to my prayers!

Today, I'm grateful that I'm sick. I'm thankful that I need to lean into the Lord's healing power instead of relying on my green juice and soup. Yes, I want to get better so I can sing tomorrow. But I also want God's plans to trump my own. If it is the Lord's will, it will happen. Worrying about my voice and its sound is sinful, because my heart is concerned about other's esteem and not about God's. Being sick reminds me that my voice comes from the Lord and is used for Him. It doesn't matter what I think, because God is going to use me perfectly. I can't screw up what God has planned.

I'm glad I'm sick, because it reminds me that I am only able to do anything because God permits it. It's all about God, and not about me.

God gave me a voice to be used for Him. If He allows me to sing Friday, it will be for His glory, not my own.

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil." - James 4:13-16

Today is about God and tomorrow is about God, because He is the creator of time, the author of life, and the heartbeat of the world.

Isaiah 19

Isaiah is the first book of the four major prophets. I think it's really cool because it provides background and understanding of the old testament as well as the conviction of the gospels. It both emphasizes God's judgement and proclaims His mercy and grace. Both of those elements are necessary for a thorough understanding of who God is. For me, Isaiah is really effective at communicating that. 

Sometimes I find the prophetic books really difficult to read because I'm not entirely sure what they mean, or the wording is confusing, or something. Sometimes, simply by nature of being a prophecy, those books makes me go all Harry Potter, and then I skeeve myself out. What I've learned, though, is that not all of the prophecies are foretelling of the future. The word prophet (Hebrew: 'naiby') means 'inspired man.' The main idea behind each prophet is that God is speaking. Whenever God speaks, it's in our best interest to listen.

Yes, sometimes these prophecies tell about future events, as with Isaiah 19, but sometimes they simply describe the status of something (i.e. the depravity of humanity, the deity of Jesus, etc.) Other times they reveal truth that was previously unbeknownst. I'm no theologian, but that's my basic understanding. 

In Isaiah 19, God is speaking through Isaiah to reveal future events in Egypt. Today, more than 2,500 years after Isaiah was written, this prophecy still holds important truths about the tendencies of sinners, the nature of God, and what we can know to be true about our own futures.

Isaiah Chapter 19: A Summary

The Egyptians are guilty of idolatry. They have constructed idols of their own accord, and worship them as if they are Gods. They make sacrifices to them, consult them for guidance, etc. The Lord, righteously angry about this, stirs up a war among the Egyptians to punish them, ultimately handing them over to Satan's rule for a while. There is a horrible drought, agribusiness is annihilated, and widespread hunger ensues. Ultimately, as is written in verse 15, "There is nothing Egypt can do --"

Their "wisdom" is gone, their needs aren't met, and they are unable to get themselves anywhere by relying on their own strength. In this desolate state, they become aware of God and begin to fear Him. They cry out to the Lord, and He sends the savior to rescue them. They worship Him and make vows to Him. God strikes them with a plague and then heals them, and yet they worship Him still. A day then comes when the Egyptians worship with the Assyrians, and God calls them blessed.

Isaiah Chapter 19: An Application

Even though I'm not an Egyptian, and even though my own millennial generation doesn't carve wooden statues and bow to them, I am part of a body of people that:

1. Are sinners, in desperate need of a savior
• It doesn't matter if we are tall, short, black, white, Egyptian or American. God is God, alpha and omega, and I am but a dirty speck compared to His omnipotent purity. If I have any hope of a purposeful life, it is because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who died a perfect death in exchange for our wretched souls.
2. Have a tendency to rely on our own 'relativistic' sense of understanding/truth
• I am very guilty of trying to rely on myself for strength, turning to the "wisdom" of the internet -- written by my fellow fools -- instead of examining God's word, opening my heart, and coming before the king with my questions, concerns and requests.
3. Sometimes endure disasters and wars as a natural consequence of our insolence toward God
• Scary and provocative though it may be to admit, sometimes the horrible things that happen -- the disasters, diseases and destruction -- are part of the ebb and flow of a river of righteousness. God uses suffering to teach us, and just as we struck down Egypt from their self-made high thrones, God will do what is necessary to soften our hearts toward His own inclinations. We should rejoice in this truth, not mourn it!
4. Will one day sing with members of every other culture and race, equalized before God, in a language of universal worship
• We also live in a day and age where racism is disguised as equality, our Jim Crow laws swept under the rug, overlooked, ignored, and denied. Our prejudices aren't immune to the gradient of race, either: the nerds, the prostitutes, the LGBT community, the punks, hipsters, homeless and hurting -- essentially the "least" of our brothers and sisters are repeatedly assaulted by our own hard hearts and judgement. But just as we let the planks in our eyes build walls among us, one day those walls will be reduced to dust by our communal songs of praise for the King.

Lets work against the trends of our society, maybe? Let's fight against sin, turn away from our foolish minds and look toward God. Lets link arms with each other instead of knocking one-another down. Revelation tells us that these wars and rumors of wars are to be expected - they are a sign that the end of the age is ever on its way. God won't grant prayers that are against His plan, but we must remember that it is always in His plan for us to proclaim His name. So, friends, keep opening your mouths!

Priorities

I'm not a neat freak, but every morning I am intentional about making my bed. It's a really useful habit when I'm at school because my bedroom is really small, and then I can use the bed as a "staging area," and sometimes a couch (ha, ha!) My bedroom at home is substantially larger, but I still make my bed every morning.

Sometimes, when my brother-in-law goes to work really early, my sister, nephew, and two border collies will come wake me up by climbing onto the bed next to me. We bask in the baby snuggles until little fingers and fuzzy noses start pulling out my hair and playing with my phone charger...then we actually get up and go eat breakfast. 

On these mornings, it takes me substantially longer to make my bed because instead of just one side having turned covers, the whole of my blankets, sheets and pillows are usually all the way on the floor. What's usually just a flipping of the corner of my comforter and a fluffing of my pillow becomes the whole nine yards. But I wouldn't trade it for the world - a few extra minutes making my bed versus those precious moments with my little buddy? I'll take the baby cuddles every time. 

One day, Lord willing, I'll have kiddos of my own, and will have to face my messy home and make the choice between cleaning up the dishes and being available to my children when they proudly show me their Lego structures or when I need to tell them that the TV remote is actually not a fun toy. In my ideal world, I'll be super-mom and do it all: prestigious career, home-cooked meals every night, an immaculate house, a perfect marriage, and happy, well-trained, adorable children. Picture perfect, right? I know in my heart, though, that every layer I pile on that stack will not be adding richness to my life, but rather detracting from those precious relationships and experiences with my family. I'm not a mom yet, but I can already see that I sometimes view lesser things and more important than my relationships with God and others. 

It all comes down to our priorities in life. God must come first, always, followed by our dear relationships with family and friends. Money, jobs, houses, fashion and perfectly-made beds will die with this world, and the only things that will matter are our relationship with God, and our relationships with the other souls he created. It's hard to imagine, but if I had nothing else besides those two things -- not even the clothes on my back, my life could be richer and fuller and more meaningful. Apart from God and people, every silly, man-made thing on this earth is only a distraction if it isn't being used to further the kingdom. 

Luke 10:38-42New Living Translation (NLT)

Jesus Visits Martha and Mary

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Decisions, Decisions...

I'm at a stage in my life when I have to make a lot of important decisions --  really important ones -- like "my-future-and-well-being-depend-on-this" kind of decisions. Maybe you can relate? 

If I were to sum up my decision making process in one word, it would be "panic." It's not the prospect of choosing that scares me, but more the fact that I am suddenly bestowed this important responsibility, and if I make the wrong choice, it's all my fault. This is obviously a terrifying realization, and so I sit and stew about it; as the deadline approaches, I become increasingly on-edge. Occasionally I will petition the input of people I trust, or even try to weasel them into making the decision for me. (They never seem to comply with that one...darn.)

As I was reading the bible this morning, though, I was really convicted that my go-to of "panic" should instead be "prayer." 

Cognitively, I know this, but the notion has never made the journey from head to heart - as is evident by said panicking. I think part of this reason is because I've never taken the time to investigate what it means, exactly, to seek God's wisdom when making decisions. I finally did that this morning, and here's what I noticed:

We Have No Clue What We're Doing

"Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight." - Isaiah 5:21

Sometimes I am keenly aware of this truth, like when I sit down to analyze said important decisions and realize I have no idea where to start. It's with other things, though, when my head gets a little big and pride and arrogance lead me toward impulsiveness. Sometimes these "little actions" don't matter that much, and sometimes they do - but what's really important to note about all of it is the condition of my heart. Even if I feel incompetent when making the decision, I still strive to do so on my own accord, trusting in my own sense of "wisdom." Newsflash, humans: we are incompetent in every sense of the word. The only way that we can make good choices in this life is by consulting the Father of wisdom. 

As Matilda's father, Harry Wormwood, would [sort of] say: God's smart, we're dumb, He's big, we're little, He's right, we're wrong, and there's nothing we can do about it! 

God Will Direct Us

Isaiah 7

Way back in the old testament, two big-headed bible folk (King Rezin and Pekah) decided to round up their troops and head off to fight Jerusalem, where Ahaz was king. The Lord instructed Isaiah to go to Ahaz and tell him about what was happening and encourage him to stand firm in his faith. The Lord himself spoke to Ahaz and said, "Ask the Lord your God for a sign, whether in the deepest depths or in the highest heights." (Isaiah 7:10-11). In other words, God was inviting Ahaz to seek God's wisdom and direction audaciously, and to ask, even if it was a lofty request. But Ahaz refused - he didn't want to "put the Lord to the test." 

In this case, Ahaz had pure intentions. He thought he was doing the right thing by not 'bothering' God with his troubles, but that's not how God works. God wants to have that sort of communication with us. Sometimes, He has a really important agenda and we need to be open and humble before Him so we can receive what He has to say. Reading on in Isaiah 7, God gives Ahaz a sign anyway, despite his reluctance to ask for it. What he learned was beyond anything he could have imagined. 

 God Requires Humility

"A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a miraculous sign, but none will be given it except the sign of the profit Jonah!" - Matthew 12:39

In this verse in Matthew, the Pharisees asked Jesus for a ''sign." They weren't asking for direction in their decision making, but rather were mocking the authority of Jesus. They were asking for a miracle to prove His deity. Jesus rebuked them, saying that the only "sign" they would get was the undeniable proof that Jesus was the messiah when He would rise again, three days after crucifixion. They refused to humble themselves before the Lord, so the Lord would overtly humble them in time.

Yes, the Pharisees would eventually get the "sign" they asked for, but they would also get what they really wanted, which was distance from God and His truth. They would be denied the communion and intimate relationship with Christ that came with being His followers. The Pharisees were wise in their own eyes and didn't really care what God had to say to them. As a result, they continued to live in ignorance of God's love and grace. 

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." - Matthew 5:8

God Rewards Humility

"At that time, the disciples came to Jesus and asked, 'Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like the little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" - Matthew 18:1-4

God exalts those who humble themselves. But God also guides those who have the humility to come before him, ask, seek, and knock (Matthew 7:7). Children are used here as an illustration of humility, because children are often aware of their own insufficiency! This is completely opposite of our culture's attitude of self-sufficiency. God wants us to come to Him, on our knees, when we need to make decisions - whether they are big or small! Children so often view their parents as all-knowing and all-powerful. Mommy and Daddy can fix boo-boos, give comforting hugs and know the answers to everything. As adults, it's so difficult for us to view God this way, but it's the only way for us to hear from the Lord and receive His wisdom!

God wants to be in communication with us, and honestly, we need to be in communication with Him. We won't get anywhere on our own, and will probably wind up making some poor choices if we are trying to rely on our own "wisdom." Imagine the level of commitment required of a person who kneels before God in prayer and stays there until he hears an answer! God, give me the faith and courage to ask for your wisdom.