Bigger and Better

Hi friends! My college career is wrapping up, and I am so excited to be graduating tomorrow! As a result, I'm looking to consolidate some of my ministry efforts into a "centralized" location, and this means my blog will be moving to a new address!

 I will be blogging more regularly - once or twice each week, so things will hopefully be more consistent in that regard! I'm pretty excited about the change, and I hope that you will see fit to join me in my adventures over at my new home!

Cheers,

www.AlexandraTarr.com

Train Hard

Hey everyone! I apologize for the extended absence -- I've had a lot going on. I promise that I've been writing though, albeit for a somewhat different audience; I'm not sure how well a discussion surrounding the oleaginous zones of sorghum agglomerates that have undergone high-shear extrusion processes would fit with this demographic of readers. Selah. I'll save you the trauma of reading my senior design project report, but overall it went well, is finished, and is finally submitted! Praise be.

It's been a long haul, and I think I might treasure my 80+ page report more than my actual diploma. Eighty times as many pieces of paper means it's that much more valuable, right? Ha. It was definitely a lesson in endurance, though, and has helped me move away from my social-media-induced ADD. I kind of had to learn to focus for more than ten-minute increments to help write 17,000 words about cereal. But now I can safely say that I'm your girl if you have any food science questions related to granola. Here's a picture for your viewing pleasure:

Yummy granola cereal made from sorghum that can also be cooked into an all-natural, fruity porridge. Think cream of wheat, but way healthier and way, way more delicious!

My senior design project is one of those things that makes me feel very accomplished. Working on it for so long and having poured out so much of myself, it almost has become like a part of me. (I am now 99% human and 1% sorghum.) It's kind of like running a mini-marathon: in it for the long-haul, and finally crossing the finish line hurts so good; although I'm not sure whether running extremely long distances for no reason or committing four months of my life to the study of sorghum makes me question my sanity more. 

More valuable than the academic savvy I gained from this project, though, were the lessons in patience, perseverance, and critical thinking I learned. While my spiral-bound sorghum smarts will sit on a bookshelf for the rest of eternity, I'll be able to apply those other lessons to all areas of my life on a daily basis. (I'm not sure I can say the same about running half-marathons. That just made me tired.)

Character lessons are important not only for professional settings, but for spiritual settings as well. There are some sins in my life that I've been battling for a while, and when I'm worn and weary I tend to lose motivation. Maybe you can relate? But while there isn't anything spiritual about sorghum or sprinting, practices that require endurance can help equip us to persevere in our relationship with God. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 4:8-10,

"8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.9 This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. 10 That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe."

I'm reluctant to over-spiritualize secular matters -- though apparently #RepsForJesus is trending on Instagram. But, there is some value in being open to learning life lessons from everyday things. The food product my senior design team created was in tandem with USAID, targeted to feed hungry children. It's more than philanthropy, though. It can be philosophy as well, and it was. It taught me about individual strengths and weaknesses that create a need for unity in the body of Christ. It taught me about leaning into God's strength when I feel drained and weak. It taught me about breathing through the stress and remembering that the things I labor for are not of this world. 

Huh.

Turns out, there may have been more to my degree objective than I originally thought.

BIG SIN vs little sin

I kind of like cleaning. Washing dishes is my favorite, and there's a certain satisfaction in having a spotless stove. One thing that I find somewhat unpleasant, though, is wiping down the counters and tables. Often times, they already look perfectly clean, but the blackened Clorox wipe when I've finished suggests quite the opposite. It's always so strange to realize that something that looked pretty clean was actually really dirty.

This concept can be reflective of sin. It's easy to notice big sins in our lives (or, let's face it...other people's lives) but it's tempting to kind of sweep our "little" transgressions under the rug. In my own life, there are a lot of things that I kind of forget are actually sinful and just think of them as "things I probably shouldn't do." Cursing, gossiping, judgments, eating six sea salt caramels instead of a reasonable number (#gluttony) to name a few. When I look in the spiritual mirror, I think I look pretty good -- pretty clean. Compared to the "big" sins, I'm not doing that bad. 

Right. 

I'm pretty sure, though, that if I were to take a metaphorical Clorox sheet and wipe down my soul, it would be pretty revealing. I know I'm not alone in having this mindset, and it's not merely a cultural phenomenon, either. The Pharisees were notorious for this type of thinking.

John 8:1-11New International Version (NIV)

8 

1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Jesus sees all sin the same way. There really is no such thing as "big sin vs little sin." We're all unclean before the Lord and it's only through Jesus's death on the cross that we are liberated from the consequences. Guess what? The consequences for our so-called "little sins" are the same as those for people with "big sins." At the end of the day, we are all dirty tables, no matter how clean we look.

I'll spare you a picture of my towel-filled trash can, but here's a shot of my table after I cleaned it. It's almost annoying that it looks exactly the same after I've laboriously scrubbed it. Sometimes it makes me almost resent the cleaning process -- there's no visual change, so why bother breaking my back? (Okay, okay...wiping down the table isn't all that difficult...)

This is part of the danger with categorizing sins as "big" or "little." In Luke 7, a sinful woman is washing Jesus's feet with her tears and hair. Simon the Pharisee is questioning why Jesus would let such a filthy person touch him. Jesus responds:

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[c] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

I guess if I dumped a bucket of mud on my kitchen table before cleaning it, I'd feel a bit more accomplished afterwards. Obviously I'd never do that - that would be really counterproductive. If loving Jesus is to be the foremost priority in my life, it's imperative that I recognize what he has done for me. Of course, I'm not going to go outside, shoot everyone on the street, rob a few banks and build myself a shrine so that Jesus can forgive me more (a la Romans 6:1) - especially because despite those being horrible things, they're no worse in God's eyes than the gossiping, judgmentalism and gluttony I'm guilty of.  

One of my goals lately has been to really work through these "little sins" in my life. Why? Because they're not so little, and because ignoring them can put a wall of self-righteousness between me and God and between me and people who don't know Jesus yet. It's part of humility - no matter how clean I look, I need Jesus just as much as the woman at the well (John 4). 

My challenge for you (and me) is this: Don't let unconfessed sin fester. Pray about it. Ask for forgiveness, ask for strength to overcome it, and ultimately remember that Christ already conquered it on the cross. There's power in that. If you feel stuck in a sin, remember that Jesus already won, and you don't have to be bound to that behavior anymore. #liberated

PS: Don't be a table

When There's Nothing Else to Do

There's a school of thought regarding prayer that prayer shouldn't be a last resort - it should be our go-to option for addressing any and every situation. Before, during and after we approach any course of action, we should be praying. 1 Thessalonians 5 in its discussion of the Christian life says, in verse 17, "Pray continually." I don't think Paul could have been more clear. 

Rather than using prayer as a last resort, we should use it as the basis upon we base everything we do. That is, prayer is a channel for action, allowing God to provide us His strength, allowing the holy spirit to guide us, and allowing for grace to abound where we will inevitably fall short. In many cases, prayer should be accompanied by action. Following suit with the "ACTS" or "CHAT" patterns for prayer:

• Prayers of Confession should be accompanied by a behavior change (true repentance)
• Prayers of Honoring/Adoration should be reflected in the way we lead our lives (in such a way that honors God)
• Prayers of Asking/Supplication should be accompanied by action when possible (prayer and freshly baked cookies for a friend going through a hard time)
• Prayers of Thanksgiving should be reflected by an overall attitude of gratitude (choosing to praise rather than complain in all circumstances)

"Be One" by Natalie Grant expands upon this principle by saying, "Why sit around and wait for a hero yet to come when you can be one?"

In principle, this makes a whole lot of sense. But in practice (aka real life) there are times when we simply can't be that hero, and the only thing we can do is pray. Sometimes this can make us feel helpless, fearful or lost, but in reality it can be (and really should be) a comfort. See, prayer is powerful, and crying out to God in times of need or concern is an acknowledgement that He is greater than our problems, stronger than our human weaknesses, and sovereign. Prayer seeks Him and His plan, no matter where we are in this life, no matter how helpless we feel. 

I got a little taste of that truth today. Driving to work this afternoon, I saw a girl walking along the side of the road. I assumed she was a high school student since the bus had just passed about 15 minutes prior, and I was traveling through a residential area pretty far from my university's campus. As I approached, I saw that she was crying. My stomach felt queasy - I hate seeing people upset. After a few minutes I turned around and pulled over. I called out to her and asked if she was okay. She said she was fine and kept walking. I pulled up closer. 

"Really, are you sure? You don't look okay. You were crying."

"I'm fine, really."

"But maybe I can help! Please? What's your name?" 

The girl just kept walking, her eyeliner smeared. She was definitely a teenager. I was scared for her, just walking along the side of a busy street like that. Anyone could pull over, and maybe they wouldn't all have the same intentions that I did. My heart was broken for her as I remembered the times in my own teenage years that the fear and pain of living in a broken family had caused me to wander the streets aimlessly, wanting to be anywhere but home. 

I sighed, shifted my car back to "drive" and went to work. She's been on my mind ever since, though. Looking back, I'm not sure what I would have done to help. There probably wasn't anything I could have done. We were strangers. We still are, except she has been on my heart all day, and I've been praying for her all afternoon. 

In my position, as the concerned drive-byer, the only thing I can do is pray. But that isn't a limiting factor per-say. Prayer is powerful. Prayer empowers me to submit my own concern to God's perfect plan for her life, and it adds my voice and action to the action of the Lord as He works out His will for my good, her good, and the good of every single person He created. 

See, even though I never learned her name, I can pray for that girl who was crying on the side of the road. I can pray for healing, for strength, and that she will come to know the Lord if she doesn't already. I can pray for safety that wherever she was going and whatever she was running from would be resolved. I can pray that God's will for her life would come to fruition. I can pray. And that actually means a lot.

Christians are criticized for "merely praying" during terrorist attacks, natural disasters, and other horrible events. What many don't realize, though, is that prayer is the single most important thing we can be doing for our brothers and sisters, the best among all "back-up plans," and the absolute most effective way to help in any and every situation. Next time you feel helpless when there's nothing else to do, remember that prayer is powerful and effective, and it's the best thing you can be doing.

Biblical Womanhood: Letting my own ideas get in the way of what scripture really says

For the longest time, the word "feminism" really irked me. What came to mind when I heard it said was the image of a crowd of man-hating millenials in masculine tee-shirts together with gray-haired, middle-aged women in pantsuits, all of whom rioting in favor of singleness, childlessness, and unprecedented salary increases. My view of feminism was in line with the stereotypical portrayal of "feminazis," and I judged the idea hard-core.

I thought (ignorantly) that my own commitment to "Christian womanhood" warranted that I be proudly averse towards feminist ideaologies on principle. Given that I wanted (still do) both marriage and children in the future, enjoyed spending time with the men in my family, and refused to cut my hair off, I declared myself "the opposite of feminist" and considered wearing only skirts for the rest of my life to prove that I was proud of being a female. Interestingly, this pharisaical wardrobe change was more about obstinance and less about scripture. In full disclosure, I never actually consulted the word about this whole femininity thing, merely accepting the misconstrued applications that I read online of 1 Corinthians 14:13, 1 Timothy 2:9,15, and 1 Peter 3:5 to name a few. 

#ModestIsHottest

With time, I devoted less thought to this issue (admittedly, there was less media coverage about it) and continued to peruse scripture on my own. What I came to notice though is that God's views about femininity have less to do with silence and more to do with strength. He cares less about my wardrobe and more about my heart, less about my political views and more about my servitude. Yes, the bible uses the words "gentle, submissive, and care-taking" in the same sentence as "women," but not so we can devote all our efforts toward being those things. Rather, God asks us to embrace those qualities that he integrated into His perfect design for women so that we can more fruitfully work toward His purposes. 

It quickly became clear to me that my own ideas about so-called "Christian womanhood" got in the way of understanding what God really thinks of me and what He asks me to be. As a woman, I am to be active instead of passive, humble instead of prideful, and biblical instead of political. I still don't call myself a "feminist" because I don't really understand the definition, and to be honest, I don't really care to know it. The feminism struggle is a wordly affair. We shouldn't be battling with policymakers and publicists about our "rights" and whatever. Titus 3:9 says "But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless." Why? Because "our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ," a la Philippians 3:20.

Instead we should be focusing our efforts on being the people God calls us to be and furthering His kingdom - all while embracing the unique and special qualities He gave us. There are countless stories of gentle, submissive and care-taking women in the bible who are also strong leaders, passionate activists, wise mentors and even prophets. Yes, you read that correctly! Deborah, the fourth judge of Israel, was a dedicated wife, an influential hymn author, a powerful warrior, and a prophet with a key role in encouraging people to obey the Lord! (Read about how she drove a stake through the temple of a corrupt king in Judges 4.)

Holla

As I am learning more about who I am as a daughter of Christ and how that truth should be shaping my life, I find myself inspired by biblical heroes like Deborah. She was a musician, a counselor, mentor and advisor, a determined ruler, a prophet who inspired Godliness, and a fearless warrior. Through all of this, she was honorably named "The Mother of Israel," a title that suggests the strength and courage behind some of the unique roles that God gives us as women. 

I've learned quite a bit from Deborah this week, but the biggest lesson is that it's dangerous to blindly accept controversial ideaologies without having a firm grasp of the scripture that backs them up. Sometimes our preconceived notions about Christianity aren't biblical at all. The key example from this anecdote is the two different ways that the words "gentle, submissive, and care-taking" can be construed, demonstrating how both legalism and liberalism can pull us away from the the heart and purpose of God for our lives. Reading about (and being inspired by) Deborah has given new meaning to 2 Timothy 3:16-17 for me, showing how God can open our eyes and change our hearts through His word, the only caveat being that we have to actually read it. I think that's pretty awesome.

*Backtracking through the whole post, here is a list of some of the different qualities that God values in women:

This is not an "Easter Post"

A few weeks ago, my friend Hailey shared with me a really cool story called "The Rag Man." It's a poetic allegory in which a strong, young, smart man travels around a city advertising his rag cleaning service. The narrator quickly realizes that there is something unique about this "rag man" because when he replaces the wet, used handkerchief of a crying woman and the dirty, stained bandage of an injured man, he takes their burdens onto himself. The recipients are healthy and happy again, but the rag man is bleeding and brokenhearted in their place. The rag man is, of course, a symbol for Jesus and what He did for us on the cross.

I loved this story because it gave context to what sometimes seems like an abstract idea. "Sin" can be a strange word at times, especially in our American culture when religious beliefs are frowned upon in light of relativism. "The Rag Man" draws an analogy for how sin affects our souls like physical injuries affect our bodies, or how loss and sadness affect our emotional selves. Just as Jesus performed miracles during His life on earth, including the healing people's bodies, He also cleansed our souls and removed the dirt, blood, stains, pain, and suffering that result from our disobedience to God. He took it all onto himself -- all the anguish and terror, the hurt and heartache, everything that we deserve --  and He endured it in our place. It can be hard to think about, sometimes, what "hell" means: death as the wages for our sin. But thinking of it in terms of a bruised and bleeding laceration, being doubled over in pain, or the deepest sadness and loss I can imagine, multiplied by ten, gives an interesting perspective into the significance of Christ's death on the cross. It hurt for Him just as it would for us. There were two key differences, though: One, He didn't deserve any of it. Two, He then rose from the dead, conquering sin and removing the power of the grave.

It might seem like I'm doing this whole "Easter Blogpost" a day late (and a dollar short) but I wouldn't say this is merely an "Easter Post." See, what Christ did on the cross changed everything about life. It changed life for the Jews back in year 33 of Jesus's time on earth, and it changed my life in 2011 when His death became real for me. What happened on the first Easter -- that fateful "third day" -- wasn't limited to an annual celebration. Christ's resurrection marked the beginning of His reign as the ruler of the universe. The fact that He rose from the dead is what defines Christianity, and should be the single most influential factor in the life of every Christian (and really every person) today. When Christ died, He paid the price for our sins. But when He rose again, He transcended humanness and displayed His glory as the one who conquered death. Christ began His ministry as king on the first Easter, and that is what gives us hope every year on (and after) Easter today. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 15:19, "If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied." Christ's teachings for life help us to live in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, but it is only in His death and resurrection that the struggle of our time on earth becomes significant in the context of eternity. By returning from the dead, He broke the power of sin and subsequent death. That, friends, is why we have hope - and not just for Easter Sunday. In Christ's resurrection, we have hope for every single day of our lives.

Casting Lots (and what I learned from it)

Are you good at decision making? I'm sure not. I'm an over-analyzer, and I'm terrified of making the "wrong choice." The fear is paralyzing, and I just swing back and forth on a pendulum as my deadlines approach. Usually a decision is made after a brief bout of panic, and then I finally sign my name and the decision is made. I then can breathe again...at least until the next decision comes around.

I've been in a long and difficult period of waiting this year, wondering what God's plan is for my life, wondering if I'll get into certain graduate programs, wondering whether I even want to get into said graduate programs. As a horrible decision maker, I never really know what I actually want, which is why I sometimes over-spiritualize my decisions. On one hand I wonder if, since a door has opened, it means that the path is too easy, that God expects me to give more of myself, and to show I'm really committed by choosing the harder path. Alternatively, if a door is closed, I wonder if it maybe wasn't closed for good, and I should look for another way to go down that route. But, then again, maybe it was closed because God has something else in mind. I've blogged about these decisions before, which only goes to show how long this has been a struggle for me. 

Today, after deliberating again (multiple times) with my sister and my bible, I decided to take a new approach: casting lots. [Try not to judge me yet! I can explain!]

In Joshua 18, God had already instructed Joshua to divvy up the land among the seven tribes. In 18:8, he tells the tribes, "Go and make a survey of the land and write a description of it, then return to me, and I will cast lots for you here at Shiloh in the presence of the Lord." The people obey and write up the descriptions, Joshua casts the lots, and the land is divided accordingly. My study bible mentioned that there are a number of ways these "lots" could have been cast. But ultimately, no matter the methodology, casting lots removed the human choice from the decision-making process and allowed God to make matches as He saw fit. In my human brain, that sounded like kind of a haphazard, illogical, statistically unsound way of making decisions. So, I tried it.

I wrote up seven different "options" that I'm considering for my future, many of which are out of my control. I folded up my papers, prayed, shook my hands, and threw the pieces into the air. I closed my eyes, grabbed at one, and held it in my palm. My heart was beating fast.

Was this going to be God's answer to my prayers? Is this His plan for my life? Is this legit?

I prayed again, hands trembling, before opening the paper. I was nervous and unsure as I read it. I took a breath. What was I doing? I folded up the paper, threw it back in the pile, mixed up the papers again and picked again. I got the same answer a second time. 

Weird.

That's when I started thinking. Do I believe that God coordinated which answer I chose (twice)? I don't know. Maybe. Will God strike me down if I choose something else besides the lot I was cast? Probably not. What I do know is that casting lots is biblical, no matter how unscientific it seems. More importantly, the piece of paper I chose from the pile probably doesn't matter that much. Casting lots, I've realized, is less about the actual assignments and more about the fact that God is in control of it all. No matter what we choose - no matter what route we take - God has already determined it. He has already written our lives, and there's freedom in that. Casting lots isn't about the decision, it's about the trust. Trusting God with our lives, taking our human desires and "5-year-plans" out of the mix, submitting ourselves to His purposes: that's faith. Today, I cast lots. Like my sister says, "Just pick something." What I choose really isn't as important as whether or not I allow God to use it. We all have a lifelong ministry, and whether we are accepted to graduate school or not, whether we get our dream jobs or not, whether our life goes the way we thought or not, probably doesn't matter. His plan for us is good, and good things take time.God's plan is less about us and more about him. So, even if you don't cast lots, cast lets. Let God be in control of your life. It's like the proverbial saying, "Let go and let God." 

I'm trying, folks. So pray for me, will you?

*If you're in a similar situation, shoot me a Facebook message or leave a comment. I'll pray for you, too.