Total Surrender

In church this past Sunday, my pastor mentioned how he noticed after some time that his prayers had become more person-centered instead of God-centered. An example he gave was the things he found himself praying for his children: safety, comfort, and stability. He contrasted that trend with what perhaps would be more biblically-sound prayers: salvation, purpose and surrender. The Psalms, he suggested, are a great model for how we should pray and what we should be praying for. One of the things he said that struck me the most was that we can get a snapshot of our hearts' desires and whether they are in-line with God's will by looking at the things we pray for on a regular basis.

Examining my own prayer life, there are two specific things that stick out, both of which having to do with the future: getting into my top choice post-graduate program and securing a specific internship. Praying for these things is a push-pull balance between what I believe God is calling me to and my own personal desires and interests, for which my motivations aren't always noble. The hardest part of trying to establish my intentions through a God-centered framework is that right now, the decision to pursue any given path isn't up to me. I'm in what seems like a never-ending waiting phase. What I am struggling to do is transition from "God, please grant ___________" prayers to "God, let your will be done." I sometimes take the cop-out with a Daniel 3:18 addendum, "But if not, you are still God." Throwing on the "your will be done" at the end of a self-centered prayer isn't the same as truly desiring God's first plan, His best, and His desires for my life. Living inside my own head, it's so hard to understand what it means to genuinely pray God's will.

Laurent Daigle's Trust in You has been frequently played on the christian radio station where I live lately, and the song hits the nail on the head when it comes to surrendering our own desires to God's. The first two lines are as convicting as the rest of the song, and wash away the rosy tint through which I sometimes view my own thoughts. "Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at your feet." The amount of courage it would take to live out those words is enormous, and I'm definitely not there yet. Being shaped to desire God's will in this way is a painful process, and it's terrifying to consider what it would require of me if I were to actually do what she sings. Yet, the refrain reinforces her convicting message of truth: "Your ways are always higher, your plans are always good, there's not a place where I'll go you've not already stood."

There's merit and value in trusting God that He will bring the best. What's harder is to trust Him when His best for our lives feels like the worst possible outcome. Faced with death, hardship, or even something as comparatively small as a "no" when we want a specific door to be opened, God calls us to surrender our desires to His sovereignty. My challenge for you (and me) is to pray for God's will first, even if it trumps our own plans. God is constantly working on us. All I know is Trust in You has been on repeat in my mind since the first time I heard it.