Biblical Womanhood: Letting my own ideas get in the way of what scripture really says

For the longest time, the word "feminism" really irked me. What came to mind when I heard it said was the image of a crowd of man-hating millenials in masculine tee-shirts together with gray-haired, middle-aged women in pantsuits, all of whom rioting in favor of singleness, childlessness, and unprecedented salary increases. My view of feminism was in line with the stereotypical portrayal of "feminazis," and I judged the idea hard-core.

I thought (ignorantly) that my own commitment to "Christian womanhood" warranted that I be proudly averse towards feminist ideaologies on principle. Given that I wanted (still do) both marriage and children in the future, enjoyed spending time with the men in my family, and refused to cut my hair off, I declared myself "the opposite of feminist" and considered wearing only skirts for the rest of my life to prove that I was proud of being a female. Interestingly, this pharisaical wardrobe change was more about obstinance and less about scripture. In full disclosure, I never actually consulted the word about this whole femininity thing, merely accepting the misconstrued applications that I read online of 1 Corinthians 14:13, 1 Timothy 2:9,15, and 1 Peter 3:5 to name a few. 

#ModestIsHottest

With time, I devoted less thought to this issue (admittedly, there was less media coverage about it) and continued to peruse scripture on my own. What I came to notice though is that God's views about femininity have less to do with silence and more to do with strength. He cares less about my wardrobe and more about my heart, less about my political views and more about my servitude. Yes, the bible uses the words "gentle, submissive, and care-taking" in the same sentence as "women," but not so we can devote all our efforts toward being those things. Rather, God asks us to embrace those qualities that he integrated into His perfect design for women so that we can more fruitfully work toward His purposes. 

It quickly became clear to me that my own ideas about so-called "Christian womanhood" got in the way of understanding what God really thinks of me and what He asks me to be. As a woman, I am to be active instead of passive, humble instead of prideful, and biblical instead of political. I still don't call myself a "feminist" because I don't really understand the definition, and to be honest, I don't really care to know it. The feminism struggle is a wordly affair. We shouldn't be battling with policymakers and publicists about our "rights" and whatever. Titus 3:9 says "But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless." Why? Because "our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ," a la Philippians 3:20.

Instead we should be focusing our efforts on being the people God calls us to be and furthering His kingdom - all while embracing the unique and special qualities He gave us. There are countless stories of gentle, submissive and care-taking women in the bible who are also strong leaders, passionate activists, wise mentors and even prophets. Yes, you read that correctly! Deborah, the fourth judge of Israel, was a dedicated wife, an influential hymn author, a powerful warrior, and a prophet with a key role in encouraging people to obey the Lord! (Read about how she drove a stake through the temple of a corrupt king in Judges 4.)

Holla

As I am learning more about who I am as a daughter of Christ and how that truth should be shaping my life, I find myself inspired by biblical heroes like Deborah. She was a musician, a counselor, mentor and advisor, a determined ruler, a prophet who inspired Godliness, and a fearless warrior. Through all of this, she was honorably named "The Mother of Israel," a title that suggests the strength and courage behind some of the unique roles that God gives us as women. 

I've learned quite a bit from Deborah this week, but the biggest lesson is that it's dangerous to blindly accept controversial ideaologies without having a firm grasp of the scripture that backs them up. Sometimes our preconceived notions about Christianity aren't biblical at all. The key example from this anecdote is the two different ways that the words "gentle, submissive, and care-taking" can be construed, demonstrating how both legalism and liberalism can pull us away from the the heart and purpose of God for our lives. Reading about (and being inspired by) Deborah has given new meaning to 2 Timothy 3:16-17 for me, showing how God can open our eyes and change our hearts through His word, the only caveat being that we have to actually read it. I think that's pretty awesome.

*Backtracking through the whole post, here is a list of some of the different qualities that God values in women:

This is not an "Easter Post"

A few weeks ago, my friend Hailey shared with me a really cool story called "The Rag Man." It's a poetic allegory in which a strong, young, smart man travels around a city advertising his rag cleaning service. The narrator quickly realizes that there is something unique about this "rag man" because when he replaces the wet, used handkerchief of a crying woman and the dirty, stained bandage of an injured man, he takes their burdens onto himself. The recipients are healthy and happy again, but the rag man is bleeding and brokenhearted in their place. The rag man is, of course, a symbol for Jesus and what He did for us on the cross.

I loved this story because it gave context to what sometimes seems like an abstract idea. "Sin" can be a strange word at times, especially in our American culture when religious beliefs are frowned upon in light of relativism. "The Rag Man" draws an analogy for how sin affects our souls like physical injuries affect our bodies, or how loss and sadness affect our emotional selves. Just as Jesus performed miracles during His life on earth, including the healing people's bodies, He also cleansed our souls and removed the dirt, blood, stains, pain, and suffering that result from our disobedience to God. He took it all onto himself -- all the anguish and terror, the hurt and heartache, everything that we deserve --  and He endured it in our place. It can be hard to think about, sometimes, what "hell" means: death as the wages for our sin. But thinking of it in terms of a bruised and bleeding laceration, being doubled over in pain, or the deepest sadness and loss I can imagine, multiplied by ten, gives an interesting perspective into the significance of Christ's death on the cross. It hurt for Him just as it would for us. There were two key differences, though: One, He didn't deserve any of it. Two, He then rose from the dead, conquering sin and removing the power of the grave.

It might seem like I'm doing this whole "Easter Blogpost" a day late (and a dollar short) but I wouldn't say this is merely an "Easter Post." See, what Christ did on the cross changed everything about life. It changed life for the Jews back in year 33 of Jesus's time on earth, and it changed my life in 2011 when His death became real for me. What happened on the first Easter -- that fateful "third day" -- wasn't limited to an annual celebration. Christ's resurrection marked the beginning of His reign as the ruler of the universe. The fact that He rose from the dead is what defines Christianity, and should be the single most influential factor in the life of every Christian (and really every person) today. When Christ died, He paid the price for our sins. But when He rose again, He transcended humanness and displayed His glory as the one who conquered death. Christ began His ministry as king on the first Easter, and that is what gives us hope every year on (and after) Easter today. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 15:19, "If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied." Christ's teachings for life help us to live in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, but it is only in His death and resurrection that the struggle of our time on earth becomes significant in the context of eternity. By returning from the dead, He broke the power of sin and subsequent death. That, friends, is why we have hope - and not just for Easter Sunday. In Christ's resurrection, we have hope for every single day of our lives.

Casting Lots (and what I learned from it)

Are you good at decision making? I'm sure not. I'm an over-analyzer, and I'm terrified of making the "wrong choice." The fear is paralyzing, and I just swing back and forth on a pendulum as my deadlines approach. Usually a decision is made after a brief bout of panic, and then I finally sign my name and the decision is made. I then can breathe again...at least until the next decision comes around.

I've been in a long and difficult period of waiting this year, wondering what God's plan is for my life, wondering if I'll get into certain graduate programs, wondering whether I even want to get into said graduate programs. As a horrible decision maker, I never really know what I actually want, which is why I sometimes over-spiritualize my decisions. On one hand I wonder if, since a door has opened, it means that the path is too easy, that God expects me to give more of myself, and to show I'm really committed by choosing the harder path. Alternatively, if a door is closed, I wonder if it maybe wasn't closed for good, and I should look for another way to go down that route. But, then again, maybe it was closed because God has something else in mind. I've blogged about these decisions before, which only goes to show how long this has been a struggle for me. 

Today, after deliberating again (multiple times) with my sister and my bible, I decided to take a new approach: casting lots. [Try not to judge me yet! I can explain!]

In Joshua 18, God had already instructed Joshua to divvy up the land among the seven tribes. In 18:8, he tells the tribes, "Go and make a survey of the land and write a description of it, then return to me, and I will cast lots for you here at Shiloh in the presence of the Lord." The people obey and write up the descriptions, Joshua casts the lots, and the land is divided accordingly. My study bible mentioned that there are a number of ways these "lots" could have been cast. But ultimately, no matter the methodology, casting lots removed the human choice from the decision-making process and allowed God to make matches as He saw fit. In my human brain, that sounded like kind of a haphazard, illogical, statistically unsound way of making decisions. So, I tried it.

I wrote up seven different "options" that I'm considering for my future, many of which are out of my control. I folded up my papers, prayed, shook my hands, and threw the pieces into the air. I closed my eyes, grabbed at one, and held it in my palm. My heart was beating fast.

Was this going to be God's answer to my prayers? Is this His plan for my life? Is this legit?

I prayed again, hands trembling, before opening the paper. I was nervous and unsure as I read it. I took a breath. What was I doing? I folded up the paper, threw it back in the pile, mixed up the papers again and picked again. I got the same answer a second time. 

Weird.

That's when I started thinking. Do I believe that God coordinated which answer I chose (twice)? I don't know. Maybe. Will God strike me down if I choose something else besides the lot I was cast? Probably not. What I do know is that casting lots is biblical, no matter how unscientific it seems. More importantly, the piece of paper I chose from the pile probably doesn't matter that much. Casting lots, I've realized, is less about the actual assignments and more about the fact that God is in control of it all. No matter what we choose - no matter what route we take - God has already determined it. He has already written our lives, and there's freedom in that. Casting lots isn't about the decision, it's about the trust. Trusting God with our lives, taking our human desires and "5-year-plans" out of the mix, submitting ourselves to His purposes: that's faith. Today, I cast lots. Like my sister says, "Just pick something." What I choose really isn't as important as whether or not I allow God to use it. We all have a lifelong ministry, and whether we are accepted to graduate school or not, whether we get our dream jobs or not, whether our life goes the way we thought or not, probably doesn't matter. His plan for us is good, and good things take time.God's plan is less about us and more about him. So, even if you don't cast lots, cast lets. Let God be in control of your life. It's like the proverbial saying, "Let go and let God." 

I'm trying, folks. So pray for me, will you?

*If you're in a similar situation, shoot me a Facebook message or leave a comment. I'll pray for you, too.

The Painted Pinkie

I'm not very good about caring for my fingernails. Even after I managed to quite biting my nails in eighth grade, I never made a priority to take care of them. I periodically am inspired to throw on a coat of cheap polish here and there, but I've never been one to keep up with overgrown cuticles, less a few trips to the salon for prom and weddings. I've also noticed that guitar-playing isn't so great for the maintenance of freshly manicured nails.

On mission trips, a fun way to engage with kids and other women is to offer to paint their nails. It's a wordless way of saying, "It doesn't matter how dirty you are, I still think you're beautiful and worthy, and I want to serve you." It's almost akin to modern-day feet washing. Last week in Nicaragua, my team and I were planning to paint our friend Nubia's nails for her when Humberto joined the conversation. He proudly showed us his chipped coat of paint on his fifth finger. "It's for good luck and happiness," he said, adding that he'd had a colorful pinkie for 5 months. We laughed and added a fresh layer of blue polish over the green he had. Ervin thought it was cool too, so we painted his nail as well.

In the states, I'd seen quite a few people keep an accent color on a single finger, but never thought much of it. I always figured it was just a trend (it was) and never felt compelled to do it myself. But yesterday when I was finally scraping the dirt and sand out from under my nails, reflecting on the mission work that had turned them brittle and yellow, I remembered Humberto's painted pinkie. It was his own special form of meditation every day, reminding himself to think positively and to look for luck. It's an interesting concept, but not a new one. Tattoos, jewelry and even clothing can all be similar symbols, reminding us of something important. I don't wear a wedding ring, but I have bracelets that remind me to keep my focus on God, such as the one in the following picture with Jeremiah 29:11 inscribed in it. 

After my conversation with Alberto last Tuesday, my teammates and I started another discussion about tattoos. Kyla mentioned that someone she looks up to a lot draws an X on his wrist every day to remind himself to "seek first the kingdom." We noted that the daily action of drawing the X was a unique and meaningful alternative to getting a tattoo, because it requires intentionality. Tattoos are maybe less effective at reminding the wearer of the cause because it's so easy to get used to them, and they almost don't even phase us after a while. My tattoo is like that sometimes, especially because it's in such an inconspicuous location. 

So, yesterday after cleaning and clipping my nails, I decided to follow Humberto's example and painted my pinkie a different color than the rest of my fingers. My purpose wasn't for luck or happiness, but rather to remember the important lessons that God taught me while in Nicaragua, some of which I haven't even realized yet. These next couple weeks will be a roller coaster of emotions, as I know I will be going through periods of both joyful remembrance as well as brokenhearted-ness, and God will be instructing and shaping me as I reflect. My hope is that the accent on my pinkie will remind me to be praying for my brothers and sisters in Nicaragua, my teammates in the US, and for the strength to submit my life to the Lord. As it chips, I'll add a fresh coat, being intentional about this lifelong journey as a missionary both here at home as well as abroad.

What I Learned: the overarching theme of my week in Nicaragua (2016)

I'm back. Home. We did it. We built a house. It feels pretty good. 

Yet, somehow, all I can think about is the people. My teammates. My workmates. The Fuller Center Crew. Cristina's family. Jesus. 

Our first day in Las Penitas, before we started working. 

Coming into this trip, I had a lot of fear. It was strange and unprecedented. Unexpected. Anxiety comes from the weirdest places, and it kept me awake all night before we left for Nicaragua. Why? I am almost ashamed to admit that I was scared of the people. I was scared of traveling with a group of people I didn't know. What will they think of me? I was scared to meet the family we would be building for. How will we communicate? I was scared to work in Nicaragua. What is the perception of "white people" in Las Penitas? The Holy Spirit brought 2 Timothy 1:7 to my mind that night at 3:30 am: "But God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." During this trip, the truth of the Lord broke my chains and left me empty of my defenses, then covered me with grace and strength, building relationships where walls once stood. He conquered my fearful spirit by being faithful in His promises. I'm walking away from a week in one of the poorest places in the world, feeling like the richest girl alive because I have had the opportunity to serve a loving, just and merciful God who died for me, who renews my strength day by day, and who is continually shaping me into the woman He designed. He wrote me into His story, and it is such a blessing. 

This picture speaks the thousands of words that I can't. It shows the love among us that turned strangers into family. I am awed by the humble and hardworking spirit of our trip leader, Hailey D; Kyla's maturity and commitment to the Lord; the wise stewarding of gifts by Curt along with his fearlessness; Nicole's gentleness, complemented by her unrelenting pursuit of God's purposes in any and every situation; Halie B's mothering instinct, incessant preoccupation with the broken, and desire to proclaim God's redeeming power. I laughed with 'Berto and Benito about my broken Spanish language skills and marveled after their perseverance. Santos patiently helped us with our translations, led us throughout the building process, and always greeted us with a smile. Danilo organized everything we could have needed or wanted; Nubia selflessly washed our dirty, ragged clothing after long, sweaty days in the sun; Ervin and his cousin Norman laughed with us and showed us what it means to sacrifice leisure for the benefit of others. I am so grateful for the group of people in the picture above. It was an honor to serve God with them, and we now share a special connection and the unique commonality of having labored together for our Lord: a fruit that will keep on giving. 

Overall, I experienced God in a new way on this trip through relationality. In the past, I've had discipleship/mentoring relationships, but there is something different about altogether giving of ourselves as a group. We were united as a body this week by our shared love for God and the progression of our shared experiences. Each one of us came from a different background and most of us are now at home in Christ's church, though we are still waiting on God's intervention for a few. But nonetheless, a new meaning was given to Jesus's proclamation that the poor are blessed, and that they are our brothers and sisters. We all are God's beloved, and it's so beautiful to choose to allow grace to reign despite our own inadequacies, living in the freedom of Christ. The church is the bride of Jesus, and He is our leader, our role model and our savior. He is what gives us unity, and it is incredible to deliberately leave the comfortable Christian bubble to be found among the lost. I can't wait to see God continue to work in and through this amazing group of people, and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to know them for eternity. 

Breaking bread. It's the best!

Done

It's hard to believe that the trip is over, the work is done, and that we will be coming home tomorrow. The past few days were a whirlwind as we jumped into building and fell into a routine. The first few days seemed to take three times as long whereas yesterday and today flew by. I can't believe that what was once a parcel of dry dirt is now a home, brick and mortar, two windows and two doors. It's an amazing feeling of accomplishment to look at the house and know that we built it, but even more joyful to see Cristina, who now has a home of her very own. 

This is a picture of the house in progress (yesterday). Today it has four walls and a roof. When we left the worksite, half of the concrete floor was left to be poured but it was otherwise complete, porch and all. 

It's amazing to see how God used the six of us in so many different ways. My team members are giving, selfless, encouraging and inspirational workers who labor after the Lord's purposes. Even when we were tired, dirty and drained of all we had to offer, there was hardly any complaining. God showed me His glory through these humble women and men, and I have been stretched and strengthened likewise. It is such an amazing answer to prayer.

Yesterday afternoon my teammates and I were praying for opportunities to share our faith with the people we were with. This was a huge request, given the massive language barriers between us. Yet in broken Spanish, we learned that Alberto met Jesus while imprisoned in America for a crime he didn't commit, Nubia and her family are Christ followers who wake up daily with a song on their lips, and we were able to share our love and joy with and without words. I also had the opportunity to talk with Benito about his spiritual life, which is pretty limited. Like me, He went to a Catholic church occasionally as a child but never learned anything worthwhile or felt connected. We both ultimately gave up on God after experiencing hard things in life, and struggled to reconcile painful circumstances with a supposedly all-loving God. I was then able to follow up somewhat by sharing how that perspective changed for me when I went to church with my sister as a teen, heard the gospel for the first time, and realized the true meaning of life. My prayer is that one day Benito will experience the same life change. 

Overall, I continue to be blown away by the similarities between myself and the people we are with. I am finding culture to be meaningless in a way, because we are all united in our humanity - both the good and bad aspects. This truth paints a picture of Christ as well, who experienced life as a human and knew all the temptations we face. Black, brown or white, old or young, irrespective of native language, we all are human. We are known and loved by the creator of the universe, and He is writing a story in which we all have a place. I am so thankful that Jesus knows me personally, and that I can lean into him for strength in situations he has already walked through. What a relief! 

Covered in dirt, but having fun!

I'm so excited to come home and continue to process what I've learned this past week. Before we do, though, we will have the opportunity to serve dinner tomorrow night to all the engineers and Fuller Center leaders who helped us, as well as the family we built for. Please pray for meaningful conversations, safety, and a fun night of fellowship! 

 

 

Contrast

One of the things I've noticed here that has totally floored me is the contrast in wealth within a small area. The hostel we are staying at is really nice. There is a beautiful beach just across the street and we are staying in an area where a lot of wealthy people have their beach homes. Yet, 5 minutes down the street where we have been working is completely overcome by poverty. The dirt roads are littered with trash and dead animals, the houses are built out of old pieces of metal scaffolding, and the barbed wire is pulled to the ground, causing more harm than protection. It's hard to comprehend how so much need and so much excess can exist so near to each other. 

This is a picture of the pool inside our absolutely gorgeous hotel. The paint is fresh, there are colorful hammocks hanging under grass huts, and the paved walkways are lined with palms. And yet, here is a picture of the conditions under which most of the people in the villiage live:

It's such a culture shock. I saw houses similar to that one the last time I was in Nicaragua, but I personally haven't come across them ever in America. It's like I live in a bubble, and always think of the poor as just that: "the poor." People assigned to a name. That's what they are: Poor. Okay. Move on. 

It's such an unfortunate attitude to have, because the wealth of love, soul and personality that these people have is indescribable. They are just as human and vivacious and alive as myself, just as sentimental, just as experiential, just as intellectual, comical and in need of love. Despite not being different from us, it's so easy to categorize them and ignore them. They're "the poor." Period. How can we be okay with ending the sentence there? There has to be more to the story!

During our devotional time today, we talked about Mark 1:40-44 when Jesus layed His hands on the leper to heal him.  I'd heard the story before but I'd never contemplated the fact that Jesus didn't actually need to physically use touch for healing. He can command the world with the power of His words...or probably even without them as well. Yet, He chose to use physical touch, connecting on a human level, to communicate His love. I feel like our fear of touch, of connection, of being on the same level as the poor, prevents us from reaching out to them. Whether it's a woman on a street corner, a forgotten elderly man in a nursing home, or a family in Nicaragua, they need  human relationality. Most importantly, they need the love of Jesus. I'm horrified sometimes that I can fall into such cold heartedness, especially considering all that Jesus has done for me. I'm a wretched sinner myself, still distracted by temptation, and yet Jesus continues to keep me from the death that I deserve. There are people both here in Nicaragua and home in the USA who are the walking dead. Their wages are death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ. Keeping that good news to myself would be, and is, terribly selfish. (Romans 6:23)

 At least we're making progress. 😝

 

 

Secunda Dia

Day two. Today was our first full day of working at the site. We made a lot of progress on the house, and the walls are halfway finished! Mostly our work involves applying mortar to the underlying layer, adding another round of bricks, and then filling the holes with concrete. We also sift and shovel sand to mix into the concrete and mortar, carry the cinder blocks (bricks) and kind of gent everything organized. Rebar poles are inserted into the holes on the cinder blocks and secured with concrete. 

I don't have a picture of the progress on the house, but here's what we ate for dinner yesterday. It was some sort of cold, sour pork and fried mixed vegetables. It was delicious!!

 We took a brief siesta (break) to go play with the children at the nearby school. We painted the girls' nails and played soccer with some of the other kids. Hayden Alexander was excited that my name is kind of like his. 

We also had he opportunity to sing some songs in Spanish during our devotional, and we included one of the engineers from the work site, Danillo. It was amazing to worship in multiple languages. We prayed together in both English and Spanish, and the Holy Spirit was loud and clear among us. It was awesome. 

We had another chance to dip in the ocean before dinner. The waves are the biggest I've ever seen. The riptides are super strong as well and it's definitely humbling to feel the sand pulled out from beneath our feet. 

 After dinner today, I had a really encouraging conversation with one of the employees at the Fuller Center. He asked me how I felt about tattoos (random, I know) and was surprised to learn that I have one. In Nicaraguan culture, women who have tattoos are viewed as lazy, kind of "trashy," etc. He also brought up that in Catholicism, tattoos are frowned upon because of the verse that talks about the body being a temple, and how it should be kept clean. I was able to explain the difference between legalism and grace, and how the conditions of our hearts determine whether our behavior is sinful or not. Since tattoos aren't explicitly prohibited in the bible, it needs to be discerned on a case by case basis. My own tattoo serves as a reminder to myself to lean into God's strength during hard times. It's also a great conversation starter with others when they ask about my tattoo's meaning. Definitely not sinful. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to share and have a real life faith conversation. I'm continuing to pray that God will open the door to conversations, conquering the language barriers. 

Thank you for praying for us, we definitely have been encouraged by your support!

Day one in a different world

The first day is complete and it has been crazy and intense and naturally, nothing like I would have expected. We slept a little later because we didn't get to our hostel until 3 am. It was a crazy journey and we almost ran over some horses on the highway (seriously). Our driver was such a sweet man though, and was sure to point out landmarks like half-painted cathedrals and government buildings. 

This is Orlando, our driver. He picked us up at the airport last night and brought us to the market in Leon this morning. He is married to a woman named Christina, has four kids and, so far, four grandkids. At breakfast this morning, I told him the story about how I once accidentally called someone's child a monkey, and he thought it was hilarious. ("Que mono" literally translates to "how monkey." In Spain, it can be used to mean "how cute!" I learned the hard way that it doesn't also mean that in Nicaragua.)

Orlando is the first person I had the opportunity to get to know so far this trip. I know Spanish pretty well (conversationally) but it takes a lot of mental focus to discern what someone is saying. Orlando was patient with me and helped me refine my grammar skills, which I am really appreciative for. The language barrier is moreover difficult, but it's such a blessing to see how God united us in conversation WITHOUT words. Laughter is universal in humanity, and it's so freeing to share in wordless conversation. 

Here's a picture of our "living quarters." I feel kind of spoiled. I share a room with my friend Hailey. We have our own bathroom and are trying to remember not to flush the toilet paper down. Sorry if that's TMI, but it's also #truelyfe

This is a poorly framed picture of where we started building the house today. Currently the family consists of a married couple, the lady's parents, her aunt, her sister and her nephews. When we finish building, the married couple will be able to live in the house by themselves, which will be exciting. It's just a little square room, but they will finally have a private place to call their own, so I'm really glad for them. 

It's a strange place to be, where a one room, concrete room in a baking hot country littered with garbage, starving animals and contaminated water is a coveted gift. It's such a juxtaposition to the world I live in for the other 51 weeks of the year, where the poorest people in America are on par with some of the richest here in Nicaragua. That contrasted with the world we are called to live in, so many people in Nicaragua are exponentially richer than the millionaires in America, or at least the ones that know Jesus. I need to remember that. 

My trip leader asked us during our devotional time to consider why it was that God called us here to Nicaragua and what he is doing through us. I'm of course not sure what that is just yet, but I'm trying to remember to keep an eternal perspective. Neither concrete, one-room homes nor stone mansions will last very long, and neither one can give us lasting joy. But the gifts of God give us hope and strength for this life as well as the promise of eternity by his side. So no matter whether I'm struggling to figure out how to build a house, or if I'm studying in college, or working a 9-to-5, keeping my eyes on the giver of life is a good way to follow after his purposes. It sometimes feels like a different world here, irrelevant and inapplicable to my "normal status-quo." But God is the same yesterday and today, in all circumstances, and among all people, believers or not. All I need is a willing mind and an open heart, no matter where I go, and God will use me. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to help you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Please continue to pray for our team, and especially that we will be able to communicate the truth in Jeremiah 29:11 to the people around us. 

 

This is across the street. Gorgeous, huh? No filter, either. 

 

 

 

And So It Begins...

A team of 6 from my church at school  are traveling to Nicaragua this week to build a house. I'm grateful to be able to share that our adventure started off uneventfully. We all woke up around 4:15, piled into the cars and chowed some delicious bagel sandwiches that my sister made for us. (She's the bomb.) Our first flight left on time and we arrived in Houston at around 11 am. We walked a few laps around the airport, taking the express train to each terminal in search of the best place to eat. We had a 10 hour layover, so mostly we were just looking for ways to entertain ourselves.

We eventually found a cool Texas BBQ place that had delicious pulled pork. We lunched and then resumed galavanting around the airport. Amid our stint on a moving walkway, I noticed a familiar face standing along some of the gate benches. "Hey, that's Brene Brown!" I exclaimed, and she looked up at me. "Are you Brene Brown?" I asked eagerly, as the walkway slowly moved me down the hall. I convinced my group to track back to where she was. She graciously indulged my overly-enthusiastic fan behavior by agreeing to take a picture with us, wished us well on our mission trip, and then we left her to be with her family for their vacation. It was great. She is great. If you haven't read any of her books, check out Daring Greatly because it is brilliant, and follow up with a few of her Ted Talks. You won't regret it. 

My favorite part of our meeting was when my team member, Curt, introduced himself. She thought he said "Courage." "You're name is Courage? Mine's Vulnerability." LOL. 

So, one celebrity sighting later, we sought out a remote(ish) area with a place to plug in our phones, and commenced the card games, bible studying, naps, and other time fillers. I opened up to my favorite Old Testament book. 

The proverb of today (Proverbs 13) was vastly useful as we continue to pray and prepare our hearts to be servants. "The righteous eat to their hearts' content, but the stomach of the wicked goes hungry."

In America, we are undeniably rich. We have unlimited access to food, wealth and fortune, and are ever in pursuit of personal fame. But those things are comparatively unimportant. It's imperative that we remember that going to help the poor isn't about giving material goods, including food and shelter. It's about providing lasting sustenance to the spiritually starving. We have the gift of reconciliation with God, which grants eternal life. We can experience life on earth to the fullest with Jesus walking with us, and we have hope in eternity with him. Sharing His truth and gift with the poor is what makes these sacrificial trips worth it. The spiritual high is what keeps us coming back, knowing that sharing what we have doesn't decrease the richness of knowing Christ, but instead multiplies it. 

What other gift can do that?

 Please continue to pray for safety and effectiveness for our team members, as well as for interpersonal cohesiveness and joyful attitudes, as we venture out of our comfort zones. 

 

 

Hobbies

I heard some advice recently about choosing a vocation. Three questions I was encouraged to ask were: (1) "Is it in line with God's plan?" (2) "Do I like it?" and (3) "Am I good at it?" I've noticed that these three questions are helpful in discerning decisions with temporary ramifications as well. It can be difficult to figure out God's plan sometimes and I'm not at all an expert. A few ways I've been able to figure out if something is part of God's plan for my own life are through prayer and listening for the Holy Spirit's guidance, inspiration in scripture, and something as simple (yet powerful) as looking to see if the door remains open throughout my time of prayer and processing. Obviously whatever way we end up spending our lives should be moreover enjoyable and fulfilling (aside from the everyday difficulties and annoyances of course.) We also should be skilled or talented enough in that area to where we can do a good job and make an impact in the field. 

The latter two are sometimes neglected when I see blogs about choosing a path to pursue. Really, liking something and being good at something tend to go hand in hand. The more we like something, the more we tend to practice it, and the more skilled we become. This is why I think hobbies can be important in our spiritual lives. The things we are good at, no matter how insignificant they might seem, can be used for God's purposes. 

Writing, making music and taking pictures are a few of my hobbies, and they are definitely tools that can be used by God. This blog is an obvious example. Group hobbies like sports can also be a medium through which the gospel can be shared. My church from home hosts sports and art camps where people come to refine their skills but end up getting a solid dose of Jesus as well. We can also work for God's purpose in the ways we represent ourselves. Gracious losers and humble winners in competitions are sometimes hard to come by, and we can make a statement as Christians in that way.

Below are a few ways that we can use our hobbies to impact the world for Christ. 

If you like...

• Cooking - Volunteer at a soup kitchen, host a dinner for men or women from your church, or lead prayer before a delicious home-cooked meal with your potentially non-believing friends.
• Writing - Host a blog, write about important social issues, or share your worldview through writing.
• Music - Serve as a worship leader, perform praise music in public, or write encouraging music.
• Sewing - Donate clothing for the homeless, or make pillows/quilts with encouraging messages.
• Team sports - Volunteer with at-risk kids, or work as a coach for young people, encouraging them in righteousness. You could also host a mini tournament at your church, drawing people to engage with other believers and build relationships.
• Art - Communicate sacred concepts through art work, help teach others while sharing the gospel, donate your work to your church or a christian organization to help make the area beautiful, or volunteer at a youth program, helping teach kids how to make art.
• Gardening - Donate a portion of your crop to a food pantry or soup kitchen, volunteer at a community garden, or offer to help your neighbors with theirs.
• Shopping - Donate old items to a fundraiser, host a clothing swap at your church, or sell items to raise money for an important cause.
• Running - Host a race to raise awareness or money for an important cause, or invite someone for a jog, starting a good conversation along the route.

No matter what your hobby is, it can be a great way to engage with other people in a meaningful way, sharing life with our brothers and sisters. Most hobbies can be used to directly impact the kingdom, and it's only a matter of using your brain (or sometimes combining a few brains) to come up with a way to make a difference. Our hobbies are gifts, and if we steward them well, they can be used for good in the world. Even if you're not an expert, you can make a difference!

How Much Do You Love Coffee?

In a couple days, I'll be leaving with my team to travel to Nicaragua for a mission trip. God faithfully provided the funds to go on this trip, through which I will be stretched, strengthened and ultimately used by Him for His purposes. 

Looking around at my team members as well as other members of my church who will be traveling for a similar purpose during my school's spring break, I'm floored by the missional framework through which so many young adults are living. There are a thousand excuses to why they wouldn't, "couldn't" or "shouldn't" go out among the nations to impact the world for Christ. It's so encouraging to see the faith of other believers. It's also incredibly humbling and inspiring to recognize how many people gave sacrificially of their own resources to support us as missionaries. Some of my closest friends are full-time missionaries, and the thought of raising support for a salary is daunting to an almost paralyzing degree. Yet, God provides for us through donors around the world. From that framework, it's an amazing process to be a part of, whether I'm going or whether I'm giving.

Mark 12:41-44 describes the story of the widow whose entire savings was two small coins, and she gave them both for the kingdom. Jesus praises her sacrifice, noting that quantity isn't as important as the motivation behind giving and what it means to make a financial sacrifice for God. I have been so blessed by people who have little, allowing me to see how what seem like small amounts are massively impactful for Christ's purposes. Having given from my own "lack of" in varying amounts, I know what it means when one of my peers (broke college kids) writes a check for a missionary, and how beautiful it is when "young people" fearlessly join in on a missional cause.

Sometimes I wonder why more people don't join in. But then I remember how terrifying it is to give away money, to relinquish financial "security," to eat beans and rice instead of steak for a week so someone else can eat anything at all. Then, I remember the widow from Mark 12. Her meager gift of two coins was celebrated by God, multiplied in His name. Small gifts have big implications.

Imagine a world without Starbucks. Nothing against coffee, but if every person in line at the student union waiting for an overpriced Frappuccino gave it up one day a week and donated the $5? Wow. It begs the question: Do I care about God's kingdom more than I care about coffee?

Again, nothing against java, but maybe what's worth more than a latte is the number of hearts that could be changed by someone obeying the command to "go, and make disciples of all nations."

Total Surrender

In church this past Sunday, my pastor mentioned how he noticed after some time that his prayers had become more person-centered instead of God-centered. An example he gave was the things he found himself praying for his children: safety, comfort, and stability. He contrasted that trend with what perhaps would be more biblically-sound prayers: salvation, purpose and surrender. The Psalms, he suggested, are a great model for how we should pray and what we should be praying for. One of the things he said that struck me the most was that we can get a snapshot of our hearts' desires and whether they are in-line with God's will by looking at the things we pray for on a regular basis.

Examining my own prayer life, there are two specific things that stick out, both of which having to do with the future: getting into my top choice post-graduate program and securing a specific internship. Praying for these things is a push-pull balance between what I believe God is calling me to and my own personal desires and interests, for which my motivations aren't always noble. The hardest part of trying to establish my intentions through a God-centered framework is that right now, the decision to pursue any given path isn't up to me. I'm in what seems like a never-ending waiting phase. What I am struggling to do is transition from "God, please grant ___________" prayers to "God, let your will be done." I sometimes take the cop-out with a Daniel 3:18 addendum, "But if not, you are still God." Throwing on the "your will be done" at the end of a self-centered prayer isn't the same as truly desiring God's first plan, His best, and His desires for my life. Living inside my own head, it's so hard to understand what it means to genuinely pray God's will.

Laurent Daigle's Trust in You has been frequently played on the christian radio station where I live lately, and the song hits the nail on the head when it comes to surrendering our own desires to God's. The first two lines are as convicting as the rest of the song, and wash away the rosy tint through which I sometimes view my own thoughts. "Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at your feet." The amount of courage it would take to live out those words is enormous, and I'm definitely not there yet. Being shaped to desire God's will in this way is a painful process, and it's terrifying to consider what it would require of me if I were to actually do what she sings. Yet, the refrain reinforces her convicting message of truth: "Your ways are always higher, your plans are always good, there's not a place where I'll go you've not already stood."

There's merit and value in trusting God that He will bring the best. What's harder is to trust Him when His best for our lives feels like the worst possible outcome. Faced with death, hardship, or even something as comparatively small as a "no" when we want a specific door to be opened, God calls us to surrender our desires to His sovereignty. My challenge for you (and me) is to pray for God's will first, even if it trumps our own plans. God is constantly working on us. All I know is Trust in You has been on repeat in my mind since the first time I heard it.

Hello, Do You Want to Hear a Song?

I always am reluctant to say that the holy spirit "told me" to do something, but over the past year I've gotten better at identifying a whisper in my conscience that undeniably isn't my own. The few times that I actually put aside my own desires and obey its requests, I've experienced God in a new way.

Today was one of those days. After church, I was playing my guitar and thinking about the CD I recorded just under a year ago. I hadn't sold all that many copies (less than half) and I was wondering if maybe it was a lost cause. After all, most door-to-door sales people I encounter have something a little more worthwhile than a college kid's musical endeavor. If someone tried to sell me a CD, I'm not sure that I'd buy it. That's when the thought crossed my mind, "Well, why don't you show them why they should buy it?" Why keep the guitar inside when I'm outside? Put a face to the voice, or rather...a voice to the face. Use your voice.

The excuses started piling up. I have homework. I have coffee plans. I have other things to do. My plans are more important than God's plans.

Ha. 

The coffee date was cancelled. I couldn't, for the life of me, focus on my Earth Science vocabulary. (Don't ask me why I'm in an earth science class, please. I don't know, either.) The song was written before I finished brushing my teeth (my favorite way to ponder an idea). I've never written (or memorized) a song that fast.

I put on my Proverbs 9:8 shirt for good luck, parked on a residential street, and began serenading anyone and everyone that opened their doors. My little ditty was covered in cheese, but folks who weren't too convinced they had a minute to listen were eager to help by the time my last chord rang. I banked a solid sum for my mission account, but the money was probably the least impactful part of this story. Going out and fundraising isn't entirely about money, and the plan that God had for my afternoon was way more about Him than my musical ability, or lackthereof. Here's why.

Non-believers heard my song: Approaching a door that denies a sale isn't much more than a waste of time. Approaching a door where a person hears a song about Christ's love for the hungry and broken, even if a CD isn't purchased, proclaims God's word. Someone hears. That matters. 

One lady asked me, "Why would you go overseas to do something like that? The whole world is suffering. You can't save the world." Her question was a common one that many don't have an answer to, but they deserve an answer. I was able to respond to her with love, kindness and truth. "Ma'am, you're absolutely right, and that breaks my heart. But love has no bounds, and if I can make in impact in the life of one person, it will change their world. Then, they can go do the same, multiplying the impact." No, I can't reach every person, but God can use every person for good. 

The saddest stories are about the people who give money but don't take the CD. They are atheists, they don't want to hear about my faith, they say. "But thanks anyway, here's $20 to build a house or whatever." I can only pray that God will send someone else to encourage them and show them that God is bigger than the ways they've been burned. Maybe one day they will know it isn't about building houses, but about building His kingdom.

Believers heard my song: I met so many amazing people in the hour and a half I was out fundraising today. People told me they were inspired, that the song made them think. One woman nodded reassuringly at her daughter (perhaps they'd had a relevant conversation shortly before I knocked) and then gave me a hug. I met someone who quit her job to follow a group of people to Florida to start up a new church, an incredible leap of faith. They were all amazing, and they inspire me. Today wasn't about money-giving, it was about life giving. My faith was strengthened today and I know it was for others too.

I heard, and listened: For me, it's not about the money. I know God will provide somehow. I know He will provide for my life, for my desires, for my future family. He is faithful in that. But He is also faithful in finishing the good works He starts, including those in my heart. I had a thousand reasons not to go out today, but in the end God was greater. He is shaping me day by day, and teaching me the value of following through with his promptings. It's a blessing and an honor to be His child, and I hope that this story inspires you to embrace the whisper of the holy spirit, constantly at work in your life.

Maybe someone wants to hear the soundtrack of your life, too.

^Yes, I actually serenaded people at their doors with that song. :)

Guard Your Heart

The proverb of the day today (chapter 4) mentions "guarding your heart." 

I have heard this phase a lot in Christian circles regarding budding relationships. Usually women/girls are the recipient of advice to "guard their hearts" against the advances of men, who aren't always clear with their intentions. The usual viewpoint is that men are sexually charged and want that sort of gratification from their partners whereas women are more emotional and crave heart-to-heart connection from men. If the relationship goes south and women have guarded their hearts, there won't be any hard feelings. Supposedly. I take issue with this viewpoint for multiple reasons, namely that sexual temptation and emotional connection are common and natural for both men and women. I do, however, feel that both men and women should guard their hearts...but not just in romantic relationships.

Proverbs 4:23 reads, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Many people would agree that the way a person behaves or says reflects upon their character. Yes, there are some innocent behavioral and speech habits, but generally a person who complains a lot is moreover dissatisfied with his or her life, just as someone who is obsessed with money might pursue it despite the ways they could be hurting others in the process. What flows from our mouths and actions speaks to the conditions of our hearts.

It's pretty easy to identify heart conditions that are sinful, so I won't make a list, because I sometimes find it more challenging to identify a "target" or "goal." Solomon urges us to guard ourselves against sinful attitudes so that we can allow our hearts to align with God's, allowing God to reign in us and through us. 

What does it mean to allow God to reign in your heart?

Quite simply, it means valuing what God values, desiring what God desires, and pursuing His work.

Here are a few things to get you thinking:

God values:

• Hard work, and people who labor joyfully instead of with bitterness or annoyance (Colossians, 3:23)
• Humility, when people recognize that their accomplishments are a result of God's work in their lives (Ephesians 4:2)
• Hospitality, when people are welcoming of each other and giving of themselves (Romans 12:13)

God desires:

• Praise, when people recognize that He is powerful, great and worthy (Psalm 150:1-6)
• Community, and being in a close relationship with His children and when they are in community with each other (Hebrews 10:24-25)
• Peace, when people rise above their disagreements to serve each other instead of fighting (Psalm 34:14)

God's work:

• *First and foremost, sharing the good news* (Mark 16:15)
• Healing the sick (James 5:14-16)
• Helping the poor (Proverbs 14:31)
• Comforting the brokenhearted (2 Corinthians 1:4)

The Easy Answer

Hard conversations.  I don't know about you, but I don't really like hard things...because they're hard.

I've found that a lot of times when I say something to a non-believer that is related to my faith, questions are asked, sometimes people get offended, and more often than not, I'm either left questioning myself or this whole "evangelism thing" which admittedly doesn't always seem to work out so well.

That's probably why the author in 1 Peter (Peter? Paul?) urges us to prepare our answers beforehand. "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." - 1 Peter 3:15, NIV

"Wait, so you think some dead guy just stopped being dead one day?"

"Really...you think someone got swallowed by a whale and lived? Whales eat plankton..."

"Of course I'm going to heaven, I'm a good person!"

"How can three different things (people?) all be one God?"

"You're crazy."

Well, in 2 Corinthians, Paul offers a cop-out. 

"If we are 'out of our minds,' as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right minds, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died." -2 Corinthians 5:13-14

Basically this says, "If you think I'm crazy, that's okay. God told me to say it. If you believe me, great! You can be saved. Either way I say what I say and I believe what I believe because I'm convinced that Christ died for us. So, yeah. There ya go. Universal answer."

It's in the bible, God said it, Paul said it, it's a valid option.

A bit of a disclaimer...

It's probably not a good idea to use this as your default response. Is it biblically valid? Yes. But is it the best answer we can give? Probably not, if you read your bible on the regular. What I've found is that exploring scripture on my own allows me to find answers to a lot of the more pressing theological questions. Knowing the answers equips me to respond in a way that directly addresses what the person asked. If they're asking from a genuine place, God is working in their hearts. Don't forfeit the opportunity to share the hope you have because you aren't prepared.

Obviously as humans we will never have all the answers. I'm not saying to memorize all the books of the bible word for word; the holy spirit has a large influence in these conversations as well. But regularly spending time in scripture builds your own understanding, and you'll find that you won't be able to stop yourself from sharing what you know with others.

So basically, I presented a cop-out easy answer to try to avoid answering hard questions with the purpose of demonstrating how the cop-out answer probably isn't the best option. But, it's nice to know that Paul "gets us," right?